Another year older...

So my 24th birthday is fast approaching. 2 days and counting. Am I excited of course. But I'm also terrified. I'm going to be 24, I'll have been married for 6 years. What do I have to show for it? Most people would say, "A loving and thriving marriage through all the hardships." That's nice and all but it's not exactly what I mean.

6 years of marriage and we're still living with my parents. 6 years of marriage and no children. 6 years of marriage and we're only just now really looking at purchasing a car of our own. 6 years of marriage and we are no better off now than we were when we were married.

Sometimes, I'll explain these fears to my mother hoping that she'll just nod and listen but then I realize that I've forgotten this is my mother we're talking about. With her it's all "Give it to God" and "Have faith that you will succeed". Sigh...

I understand that I sometimes sound selfish when I complain about all of the good things happening for my friends that aren't happening for me/us yet. But sometimes you just have to let it out in order to see past the problem. I'd complain to my husband but he knows all of this already and there are days where I can tell he's tired of my bitching. I'd complain to my dad but he's not very good with that sort of thing. I'd complain to my sisters but one is so young she doesn't really understand what I'm going through right now and the other is going through something worse than I could ever dream. The only people left are my friends and my mother.

I sometimes wish that my relationship with my mom was strong like it used to be. But alas we've drifted apart and I know that's due to my choices but those choices will not be changed for anyone. In that I will always be selfish.

Well, I guess that's it. I've found one more place I can complain. Here. Sure whoever is reading this will probably get tired of me complaining about things but I can assure you I don't do it to annoy. I do it to help myself see past what's gone wrong so that I can make it right. I do it so I can survive and thrive. Thanks for "listening", whoever you are.

)o( Jena