Loss and heartbreak...

I've been thinking about Jordan a lot lately. I can't help it. This month would have been the month that I'd finally be able to hold him in my arms. That I'd finally be able to take him home and fawn over my little love. That I'd finally be able to see my husband be a daddy with his child. I got emotional just a half hour ago and wrote a short poem. I'd like to share it with anyone reading this.

Today I Miss You

That little line

So bright and blue

That was when the smiles started

That was when we knew

That simple party

So light and so gay

That was when the family was told

We could hear the Hurrays

That first appointment

So exciting and new

We knew we were coming home

With our first picture of you

That padded table

So warm yet so cold

That was when we found out

That your heart was not bold

That week that passed

Wringing our wrists blue

That was when we hoped

That what they told us wasn't true

That day in pain

With gushing blood

That was when I cried

I couldn't hold back the flood

That drive to the ER

With my mind askew

That was when I prayed

That I could keep you

That picture of my uterus

So empty and alone

That was when we knew

That our little love was gone

Today I hide behind smiles

Today I wish it wasn't true

Everyday I feel this

But today especially I miss you

I know this pain will never be completely gone from my mind. It'll be there in the back of my mind until I leave this world. I just hope I can one day learn how to cope with the pain.

)o( Jena