I'm doing this from my phone so it won't be as long as some of my other posts. I realized that I sort of left off what happened to hubby so here goes. He did get his tooth pulled a week before he was originally scheduled. Though it took three full rounds of Novocaine and one final shot right into his tooth it did come out relatively easy. After it came out he was instructed to continue his antibiotics and to take pain meds as needed. We left the dentist office with a new pain med prescription for hydrocodone. I'm very happy to state that he has yet to need it.
Onto the phone. Me and the hubby have been sharing a simple cellphone for the last year I believe. This past Thursday that was remedied. I got myself a new smart phone. It runs like a dream. :)
I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while but the tingling in my fingers that I mentioned last month has all but left my right hand and has gone to my right side. My pinkie and ring finger on my left hand feel as though they're in perpetual "sleep mode" and it is going up my left outside arm and somewhat on the left side of my back. I'm beginning to think it's a pinched nerve or something but whatever it is it's making it hard to type for long periods of time on my laptop. I hope to fix that by getting another keyboard to go with the laptop. I used hubby's the other day and found out that the raised keys make it easier on my pinkie (which keeps wanting to turn the caps lock on and thinks all of my A's should be S's). Hopefully it will be taken care of soon. It's taking a long time to "swipe" this out.
)o( Jena
I'm a wife, a Wiccan, and a writer. Here is my life...
Monday, October 14, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Bigger men need bigger pain relievers...
Today was very hectic and it's not even done yet. Woke up at 7 this morning to have breakfast before hubby's appointment. He brushed his teeth and we left around 7:45. Get to the dentist at 8 and fill out the dreaded paperwork. The waiting room was already half full so we were all worried that we would have to be there for a while before he was even seen. We pushed past that and filled everything out. I love this dentist. They work with your income to determine how much you will pay for your procedures/consults/x-rays/etc. The most they can discount someone is 60%. We qualified for it. After paying for the exam we waited for him to be called back.
When he was, I asked if it was alright if I went back with him, because I knew he would probably psych himself out of the visit just by waiting to be seen. I got the go ahead and we waited. When the doctor came in she examined the tooth and we found out that it is in fact not his wisdom tooth. It is the far back molar on his left side but it's...molar #18 I believe is what she said. She gave us two options: 1) a root canal and a filling to save the tooth or 2) a full extraction. Either way he was going to have to be on antibiotics beforehand because he had an infection (which is where the pain was stemming from). We chose option 2 as it's cheaper and we won't have to be back down this road again in the near future.
She sent 2 prescriptions for him down to the pharmacy on the 1st floor of the building and while they were filled we waited to sign a few forms before we were checked out. We set an extraction appointment for next Thursday at 9am and then went downstairs to pick up his meds. They gave him a script for Cephalexin 500mg for the infection and Ibuprofen 800mg for the pain. We left and stopped somewhere to get him something to eat (as the pain was starting to come forward again and he wanted to take his meds). He took them both and 3 alarms were set on our phone so that he could remember to take them every 8 hours.
We stopped at a friends house who just recently moved to see her new place. After getting back home he was shaking again. The pain meds weren't working. I knew there was going to be something wrong with them. My husband is 6'2" and 370lb. I highly doubted that 1 800mg Ibuprofen every 8 hours was going to help him at all. I was right. In his own words "I might have just not taken the damn pain pill that's how much it hurts right now." He laid down hoping to get some reprieve and it just wasn't working. I laid down with him and I felt the tears well up every time he would clench. I was at a loss. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a failure as a wife.
I finally called the Dentist's office to see if there was a stronger pain med they could give him. We were willing to pay full price for the prescription just give him something to stop the pain. He could feel his heartbeat in his tooth. He couldn't walk right for fear of jarring it. If he talked too much it strained. I was losing my husband. The nurse in the office kept telling me that he needs to give the antibiotics a day before they'll fully kick in and only then will the pain meds work to their full potential. Well, that's all well and good but what do I do right now? What do I do to stop my husband from crying and clenching and sobbing and shaking? What am I supposed to do!?
I got off the phone feeling angry and worried. Would his sanity last 10 days? Hell, would his sanity last until tomorrow when the antibiotics finally work? Again, I felt as if I were a failure. I held him and cried with him stating that I was lost and confused. I wanted to help him but there was nothing that could be done that wasn't already being done. After a while we both sat up and he decided to try some Orajel again and using a warm compress (something my cousin suggested to us) to hopefully take enough of the edge off to get some rest finally. That's when he felt it. The tooth moved. When it did he felt another sharp stab of pain. We both then figured what was wrong.
His tooth started hurting a week ago. Best we can figure is the infection had set in before that and had finally gotten to a place that would cause him some pain and discomfort. This would have been fine on its own but then it started to swell. When he started taking the OTC Ibuprofen, the anti-inflammatory in it went to work. But it did it's job too well and too fast. His tooth was now loose. Now every time his tooth would move it was rubbing against infected tissue causing the pain to reach almost unbearable heights. He immediately called the dentist to tell them what was happening.
When she heard, she moved his appointment up from next Thursday to this Thursday at 10am. He would of course need to continue taking the antibiotics after having the tooth removed to clear the infection but just removing the tooth should take away enough of his pain so that he could function through out the day. He thanked her and told me what was said. As it was 6 hours after his initial pills, he took 2 of his pain pills (hoping a double dosage would help a bit more) and went ahead and took an anti-biotic as well.
He is now sleeping peacefully and though I don't know if he's in any pain right now I do know that we are both equally relieved. Now I just have to get him through the rest of the night and through tomorrow and the offending tooth will be gone.
)o( Jena
When he was, I asked if it was alright if I went back with him, because I knew he would probably psych himself out of the visit just by waiting to be seen. I got the go ahead and we waited. When the doctor came in she examined the tooth and we found out that it is in fact not his wisdom tooth. It is the far back molar on his left side but it's...molar #18 I believe is what she said. She gave us two options: 1) a root canal and a filling to save the tooth or 2) a full extraction. Either way he was going to have to be on antibiotics beforehand because he had an infection (which is where the pain was stemming from). We chose option 2 as it's cheaper and we won't have to be back down this road again in the near future.
She sent 2 prescriptions for him down to the pharmacy on the 1st floor of the building and while they were filled we waited to sign a few forms before we were checked out. We set an extraction appointment for next Thursday at 9am and then went downstairs to pick up his meds. They gave him a script for Cephalexin 500mg for the infection and Ibuprofen 800mg for the pain. We left and stopped somewhere to get him something to eat (as the pain was starting to come forward again and he wanted to take his meds). He took them both and 3 alarms were set on our phone so that he could remember to take them every 8 hours.
We stopped at a friends house who just recently moved to see her new place. After getting back home he was shaking again. The pain meds weren't working. I knew there was going to be something wrong with them. My husband is 6'2" and 370lb. I highly doubted that 1 800mg Ibuprofen every 8 hours was going to help him at all. I was right. In his own words "I might have just not taken the damn pain pill that's how much it hurts right now." He laid down hoping to get some reprieve and it just wasn't working. I laid down with him and I felt the tears well up every time he would clench. I was at a loss. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a failure as a wife.
I finally called the Dentist's office to see if there was a stronger pain med they could give him. We were willing to pay full price for the prescription just give him something to stop the pain. He could feel his heartbeat in his tooth. He couldn't walk right for fear of jarring it. If he talked too much it strained. I was losing my husband. The nurse in the office kept telling me that he needs to give the antibiotics a day before they'll fully kick in and only then will the pain meds work to their full potential. Well, that's all well and good but what do I do right now? What do I do to stop my husband from crying and clenching and sobbing and shaking? What am I supposed to do!?
I got off the phone feeling angry and worried. Would his sanity last 10 days? Hell, would his sanity last until tomorrow when the antibiotics finally work? Again, I felt as if I were a failure. I held him and cried with him stating that I was lost and confused. I wanted to help him but there was nothing that could be done that wasn't already being done. After a while we both sat up and he decided to try some Orajel again and using a warm compress (something my cousin suggested to us) to hopefully take enough of the edge off to get some rest finally. That's when he felt it. The tooth moved. When it did he felt another sharp stab of pain. We both then figured what was wrong.
His tooth started hurting a week ago. Best we can figure is the infection had set in before that and had finally gotten to a place that would cause him some pain and discomfort. This would have been fine on its own but then it started to swell. When he started taking the OTC Ibuprofen, the anti-inflammatory in it went to work. But it did it's job too well and too fast. His tooth was now loose. Now every time his tooth would move it was rubbing against infected tissue causing the pain to reach almost unbearable heights. He immediately called the dentist to tell them what was happening.
When she heard, she moved his appointment up from next Thursday to this Thursday at 10am. He would of course need to continue taking the antibiotics after having the tooth removed to clear the infection but just removing the tooth should take away enough of his pain so that he could function through out the day. He thanked her and told me what was said. As it was 6 hours after his initial pills, he took 2 of his pain pills (hoping a double dosage would help a bit more) and went ahead and took an anti-biotic as well.
He is now sleeping peacefully and though I don't know if he's in any pain right now I do know that we are both equally relieved. Now I just have to get him through the rest of the night and through tomorrow and the offending tooth will be gone.
)o( Jena
Monday, September 30, 2013
Pulling a tooth means no sleep for me...
My hubby has bad teeth. He has fillings in 4 (I believe) of his molars and they've been there since he was a child (around 10-13 is what we figured). For the past week his bottom left wisdom tooth has been aching but he didn't think too much of it because Ibuprofen was taking away the pain enough for him to get through the day and through work. That is until yesterday.
His tooth was bothering him so much that he actually said something to me about it. I offered him some of my Orajel and he gladly accepted but just a short hour later the pain was back. He applied more Orajel and popped some Ib. When he went to work last night I told him to bring the Orajel with him and use it when he needed it. He left for work and I dallied on the computer for a few hours before laying down to watch some movies.
When he got in at 3:30 this morning he told me that the Orajel was no longer working for the pain. We both knew it was still good because the surrounding areas were appropriately numb from the solution but he could still feel wave after wave of pain in his tooth. Now I knew (after helping him with the Orajel the first time) that the filling in that tooth had completely degraded over time and it was all but completely gone. I figured that the pain was coming from inside this shell of a tooth and the Orajel just couldn't get to it properly.
He got on the computer for about a half hour then we both laid down to sleep. He started crying. I about died of heartbreak. He never cries. He's just not that way. He normally takes any aches and pain in stride and (normally) I never even hear about the pain until after it has subsided. Not this time. He openly cried and moaned and I held him not knowing what to do. He'd taken a total of about 8 Ibuprofens and 7 aspirins just to get the pain to stop and it wouldn't. I finally bit the bullet and told him something that I knew he wasn't going to like.
"We have to get you to a dentist." He hates doctors. He hates hospitals. We have a running joke between us that he's my big strong grizzly bear until someone comes at him with sharp pointy things. I expected him to say no. That he would wait it out and hope for the best. He said "I know and we will." I started crying then because I knew just how much pain he was really in.
By this time it was 6:30am and he was all out sobbing. I got up, grabbed the phone and proceeded to call the Emergency Room to see if they could suggest anything for me to give him to get him to 9am (when the closest dentist was going to open). Of course they couldn't help me. My emotions were running on high and I couldn't stop shaking with fear, anxiety, anger, etc.
He got up soon after that and brushed his teeth for the second time in 30 minutes because as of then it was the only thing alleviating the pain even a small amount. He came into the living room and we were trying to figure out what to give him to help him. My mom suggested a shot of whiskey. It would help with the pain a bit and help him to sleep until the dentist's office opened. I was out of suggestions so we tried it. I got him something hot to eat and made him a cup of coffee and he took his double shot of alcohol.
We both laid down shortly after that to see if he could sleep. The whole time I was holding him he would clench up when a new wave of pain over took him. I started praying to any God or Goddess that was listening to take his pain away. I knew that it would have to go somewhere so I started chanting "Take his pain away and give it to me. Just let him sleep." I don't know how many times I said it but I know it took him a good half hour to 45 minutes to get to sleep. Only then did I try to get some rest.
We slept until 3:15pm. We would have slept later but a friend called our phone and it woke us up. I asked him how he slept and for the first time I felt a little relief. He slept good. On a scale of 1-10 (9 being what he was at when we laid down to sleep) he was at a 2.
Wuffy came over to take us to the Dentist only to find out that they can't do an extraction today. We have to go back tomorrow morning at 8 when they open (thought it was 9 before lol) for an exam, x-ray, and consultation. I'm just hoping we can get this sorted out soon. I hate seeing him in so much pain.
)o( Jena
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Bloglovin'
So I've been on Bloglovin' for a little bit and I finally figured out how to claim my own blog. So there it is guys! I'll be back to post something a little later most likely :)
)o( Jena
Monday, September 23, 2013
"Just Wait Until..."
I came across an article in my email yesterday. In this
article the “Just wait until…” phrase was stated to be something that was
hurtful or harmful to a new mother. I may not be saying that right so just
follow this link to read the article.
Now personally I don't mind this phrase. I've heard it most of my life. "Just wait till you get to high school." "Just wait till you're married and have to see him every day." "Just wait till you have your own little young 'un." But the way the article was talking about it was as one experienced mom to another inexperienced one. As I'm not a mother I decided to ask a new mom that I know personally. My kid sister (who from now on would like to be referred to as Wuffy on here) who you may remember from a post last month just had her first son. I asked her for a short “interview” about this and here it is…
Now personally I don't mind this phrase. I've heard it most of my life. "Just wait till you get to high school." "Just wait till you're married and have to see him every day." "Just wait till you have your own little young 'un." But the way the article was talking about it was as one experienced mom to another inexperienced one. As I'm not a mother I decided to ask a new mom that I know personally. My kid sister (who from now on would like to be referred to as Wuffy on here) who you may remember from a post last month just had her first son. I asked her for a short “interview” about this and here it is…
~~~oOo~~~
Me: Since you
had your son have you heard the infamous “Just wait until…” from any other
moms?
Wuffy: Yes,
multiple times from multiple people.
Me: Does it
bother you at all?
Wuffy: {she
contemplated for a second} Not really. I find it helpful to know that I’m not
the only one that’s gone through this.
Me: How does
it make you feel?
Wuffy: Like I
said, it makes me feel like I’m not the only one. Like there’s someone who’s
there that’s been through it before and can help me.
Me: So you don’t
see it as “condescending” or “hurtful/harmful” to your self-esteem when an
experienced mother tells you that they’ve experienced worse/better than you
have?
Wuffy: Not at
all. I understand that they’ve experienced more than me so I welcome any and
all advice I can get.
Me: Since
becoming a mom, have you used the phrase on any other mom?
Wuffy: No, but
I have used it on myself.
Me: {chuckle} On
yourself?
Wuffy: Yeah,
{laugh} Like once someone said that he was so cute and I said “Just wait till
he’s older he’ll be much cuter.” Not really an advice thing I guess but yeah.
Me: Do you
think you’ll end up using the phrase later on in life to a new mother?
Wuffy: I
probably will. Just because in my opinion it can be helpful. But if someone
flat out says that they don’t like it then I’ll strive not to say it to them. I
wouldn’t want to overstep my bounds.
Me: One more
thing, your husband has children from a previous marriage so he’s kind of
experienced with this. Has he ever said this to you?
Wuffy: No,
actually. It’s quite surprising {chuckle}
Me: So, last
question do I have permission to post a picture of your cute little baby boy on
my blog?
Wuffy: Sure!
So what are your thoughts on “Just wait until…” is it
helpful or hurtful? Have you ever used
it on someone else?
)o( Jena
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Day 21 - Was a habit made?
I can honestly say that the last 21 days has been great but also hectic. Running around trying to figure out what I should post about and then when I find something trying to flesh out what I want to say so that it's not a short, sweet, and simple post. Especially with my sleep problem lately it's been hard to actually post each day before that day was up. Some days I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how to say it. Others, I was lost. So I can't promise that I'll blog every single day but I'll try. I do like to blog. Whether any one's actually reading it or not it helps to get things off my chest. It helps to kick my writer's block away. It just... helps.
I know that this post (though it took me a while to find the right words) is very short but there's not much else to say about it lol.
Was a habit made? I guess we'll find out together.
)o( Jena
I know that this post (though it took me a while to find the right words) is very short but there's not much else to say about it lol.
Was a habit made? I guess we'll find out together.
)o( Jena
Friday, September 20, 2013
Day 20 - PBP - Bare Feet
Where do you fit on the barefoot spectrum? Is it a way to spiritually connect with the earth around you? Or is it simply functionality?"
I love going bare foot. Though not all the time. Around the house I have to have socks on. When my feet are cold, I am. Simple as that. But when it comes to being outside, I prefer to be barefoot if possible.
Recently I did my first ritual outside (up till then I'd done them in the privacy of my room as simply as I could in respect for my mother). There's a large park not even 20 minutes from my house and my "brother" picked me up and drove me out there. It was a simple Full Moon ritual but the first I'd been able to do with candles actually lit. Something told me to take my shoes off and feel the Earth beneath me. It grounded me in my ritual and it felt right. For me it definitely connects me with the Earth more than ever before.
To feel the energy easily flowing through you. I'm convinced that (weather permitting) most if not all of my rituals from now on will be held outside under the sky with my bare feet on the Earth.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Day 19 - "Snail Mail" vs. Email
I know it's almost 3 months early but I've been thinking about Christmas cards lately. Though I celebrate Yule (as best I can) I was raised in a Christian home and Christmas as always been very dear to me. Not so much the gift giving/receiving but the family time. The decorations. The overall joy of it. For the past 5 years hubby and I have sent out Christmas cards to most (if not all) of our friends and family. This past week I was contemplating it and I wasn't so sure if I should send out tangible cards or ecards.
This got me thinking about "snail mail" vs. e-mail. I'm the type of person that loves to get mail no matter which way. It means someone is either trying to stay in touch or is reaching out after I contacted them. But as I love to write I'm more ... attached you might say to sending and receiving letters through snail mail. Something about having the tangible paper that I can read does something to me. After going through all this I decided to, once again, send out Christmas cards this year.
What are your thoughts? Do you prefer getting personal letters through email or snail mail? Do you prefer to send personal letters through email or snail mail?
)o( Jena
P.S. Sorry the posts have been so frazzled and all over the place lately. The days seem to be jumbling together. I can tell what day it is by simply looking and what number post I'm on but part of my brain simply can't believe it's been that long already and the other part feels that it hasn't been near that long. I need a real nights sleep. I need something to do during the day that will keep me awake and focused until I pour myself into bed later that night. What to do...
This got me thinking about "snail mail" vs. e-mail. I'm the type of person that loves to get mail no matter which way. It means someone is either trying to stay in touch or is reaching out after I contacted them. But as I love to write I'm more ... attached you might say to sending and receiving letters through snail mail. Something about having the tangible paper that I can read does something to me. After going through all this I decided to, once again, send out Christmas cards this year.
What are your thoughts? Do you prefer getting personal letters through email or snail mail? Do you prefer to send personal letters through email or snail mail?
)o( Jena
P.S. Sorry the posts have been so frazzled and all over the place lately. The days seem to be jumbling together. I can tell what day it is by simply looking and what number post I'm on but part of my brain simply can't believe it's been that long already and the other part feels that it hasn't been near that long. I need a real nights sleep. I need something to do during the day that will keep me awake and focused until I pour myself into bed later that night. What to do...
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Day 18 - Weird Sleep...
Let me first start off by saying that since I graduated from High School almost 6 years ago (good god I'm old...) I haven't had a "good sleep routine". I'm staying up till 6-7am and not waking up until 5-6pm. Sometimes I sleep longer. Now there are days where I will wake up early in the morning awake and rejuvenated and ready to face the day and be tired at a reasonable time and I'll think "Maybe, just maybe I've finally gotten it back on track!". But it's all in vain. I don't technically have anything motivating me to get up each morning. There are certain days that I'm motivated but it's not a long term or even permanent motivation to get up early and greet the day.
That being said, for the last few days I've been waking up early. Sunday I woke up at 8:30 and I stayed awake the whole day and went to sleep at 2am. Monday I woke up at 7:30 but I lounged in bed for a few hours before finally getting up and staying up until (you guessed it) 2am. Tuesday I woke up an a completely unreasonable time for my body (around 6-7 I believe) and it really hit hard. I was exhausted all day. I didn't even leave my bedroom. I stayed on my bed browsing my computer all day.
This, in turn, caused me to get very sleepy around 3pm and I ended up falling asleep. I didn't wake up until this morning at 5 am. You read that right. 5 am! Why was I up at this time of day? Why is my internal clock running all wonky? So here I am, it's almost 9pm. Food's been made and served, dishes and kitchen is clean (as per my "job description"), Hubby's at work and I'm sitting here browsing possible blogs trying my hardest not to fall asleep on top of my computer.
)o( Jena
That being said, for the last few days I've been waking up early. Sunday I woke up at 8:30 and I stayed awake the whole day and went to sleep at 2am. Monday I woke up at 7:30 but I lounged in bed for a few hours before finally getting up and staying up until (you guessed it) 2am. Tuesday I woke up an a completely unreasonable time for my body (around 6-7 I believe) and it really hit hard. I was exhausted all day. I didn't even leave my bedroom. I stayed on my bed browsing my computer all day.
This, in turn, caused me to get very sleepy around 3pm and I ended up falling asleep. I didn't wake up until this morning at 5 am. You read that right. 5 am! Why was I up at this time of day? Why is my internal clock running all wonky? So here I am, it's almost 9pm. Food's been made and served, dishes and kitchen is clean (as per my "job description"), Hubby's at work and I'm sitting here browsing possible blogs trying my hardest not to fall asleep on top of my computer.
)o( Jena
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Day 17 - PBP - Interfaith Relationships
Religion is something that is held close to the heart, so this can be a touch cookie to work through."
I believe I've already stated that my husband and I are of two different religions. In a way. I am Wiccan and he is a self-proclaimed Evolutionist Atheist. Though we don't share the same beliefs we co-exist. I know that I probably annoy him with talk of my beliefs just as he annoys me with his. We make it work because we love each other. That's all we can do.
He allows me to practice in peace. Sometimes asking questions and other times staying out of my way. He has stated that he would go with me to a Pagan/Wiccan shop with no judgement. He's also said that he would even go out of his way to pick up some herb that I may have forgotten for an important ritual. He allows me to be me, as I allow him to be him.
Recently I've adopted the phrase "You can't choose who you love, but you can choose who to spend your time with." And even with all of our ups and downs we're still in love to this day. We still make it work.
Not all people are as lucky as I am to have a husband who understands and allows me to do what makes me happy. I feel bad for those people but I know that one day they'll find that one person in the world that they can either practice with or co-exist with where everyone is happy.
Are you in an interfaith relationship? What are your views on it?
)o( Jena
Monday, September 16, 2013
Day 16 - PBP - Solitary Longing...
I am a Solitary Eclectic Wiccan. It took me many years to actually put a name to what I was. I knew that I wanted to follow a Pagan path because they spoke to me. They felt right. For two years I called myself Pagan. Why? Because I didn't feel as though I knew enough to call myself one specific thing. Plus I was 17 years old and I figured that I had plenty of time to find myself. Just 2 short years later, I was sitting down reading one of the few books that I have on Pagan religions and I came across the Wiccan Rede. Amazing that I hadn't actually seen it until then seeing as now it's all over the place and it's hard to search for Pagan or Wicca or even Witch without some form of the Rede popping up. The Rede made sense to me. Ok maybe not all of it at the time but the last part hit home. "An ye harm none, Do what thou will." There are many different ways to say this last line of the Rede but this is the first one that I read so it's the one I'll go with.
The Rede felt right to me. But I was confused. What did the last line really mean? What did "harm none" mean? Physical harm? Emotional? I didn't know. So I went on a "quest" of sorts. For 6 straight months I searched and searched. Reading others' opinions on how the final line of the Rede translated for them. I was getting frustrated because everyone had such differing views on what the Rede meant to them. Why could no one just tell me what it meant and be done with it? I gave up. I shut my computer down and gave up. I laid in bed that night fuming over what had happened. Over how yet another religion had left me feeling defeated and let down. When my mind finally shut up just long enough for me to start to drift I felt it. No, I heard it. A voice. It told me to make up my own mind. To forge my own path. To be my own person. I jolted out of bed and I can still remember Hubby looking at me like I was Linda Blair in full on possession mode.
I told him of my revelation. Of my epiphany. To be who I am and no more, no less. He seemed proud of me if I recall. He held me and said he was happy for me. And that was that. That is where I began to forge my own way in life. Overtime, I stopped asking myself "Am I doing this right?" and started focusing on if it felt right to me. I've been mostly solitary in my practice. Joining a few sites here and there for guidance from time to time but never letting them tell me what to believe or how to follow my path. Suggestions are what I was after and suggestions I got. I did have a few sites that refused to let me remain Solitary. Refused to let me believe whatever I wanted to. I promptly left and searched for more. Over the years I finally gave my path a name. Solitary Eclectic Wiccan. When I say it, when I think it, even now when I type it, it's right. It's me. It probably won't be me in the years to come but it's me right now and I'm happy with it. Now onto the Blog Prompt:
The Rede felt right to me. But I was confused. What did the last line really mean? What did "harm none" mean? Physical harm? Emotional? I didn't know. So I went on a "quest" of sorts. For 6 straight months I searched and searched. Reading others' opinions on how the final line of the Rede translated for them. I was getting frustrated because everyone had such differing views on what the Rede meant to them. Why could no one just tell me what it meant and be done with it? I gave up. I shut my computer down and gave up. I laid in bed that night fuming over what had happened. Over how yet another religion had left me feeling defeated and let down. When my mind finally shut up just long enough for me to start to drift I felt it. No, I heard it. A voice. It told me to make up my own mind. To forge my own path. To be my own person. I jolted out of bed and I can still remember Hubby looking at me like I was Linda Blair in full on possession mode.
I told him of my revelation. Of my epiphany. To be who I am and no more, no less. He seemed proud of me if I recall. He held me and said he was happy for me. And that was that. That is where I began to forge my own way in life. Overtime, I stopped asking myself "Am I doing this right?" and started focusing on if it felt right to me. I've been mostly solitary in my practice. Joining a few sites here and there for guidance from time to time but never letting them tell me what to believe or how to follow my path. Suggestions are what I was after and suggestions I got. I did have a few sites that refused to let me remain Solitary. Refused to let me believe whatever I wanted to. I promptly left and searched for more. Over the years I finally gave my path a name. Solitary Eclectic Wiccan. When I say it, when I think it, even now when I type it, it's right. It's me. It probably won't be me in the years to come but it's me right now and I'm happy with it. Now onto the Blog Prompt:
I can't say that I've never longed for a mentor, coven or friend to follow this path with me. It's happened a lot over the years. It's something that, in my opinion, happens to most if not all Solitary Practitioners. It's even one of my Dreams & Aspirations to one day join a Coven. But right now, it's not right. I'm not ready. In the words of Buffy. I'm cookie dough. I'm not ready to be a cookie on the cooling rack of a Coven. Alike but different at the same time. I'm just not .... me enough yet.
That's what keeps me from seeking a true Coven right now. I may find some forums online and post a bit and get ideas and learn from others but until the time is right I will not be joining a Coven.
What are your views on being a Solitary Practitioner vs. being part of a Coven? Which do you prefer?
)o( Jena
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Day 15 Part 2 - Halloween Craft Blog Party!
I've just joined my first blog party and I'm a little (ok a lot) excited! The party is being hosted by the lovely lady who runs The Pagan Blog Directory and who used to run The Domestic Witch (I noticed that she's just recently decided to leave that blog but will be leaving it and the archives up). You can find the actual party blog at the link just under the button.
The post for the party needs to be up by October 29th so I'm going to get to work. I've decided that I'm going to write a story. I don't know who will be in it. What it'll be about. Nothing! But I'm not gonna let that stop me! I'm gonna do it. Wish me luck!
)o( Jena
Day 15 - Gay Marriage
In my opinion marriage is marriage. It's a piece of paper. A bond between two people who love each other enough to say "Hey, look at us! We're joining together! We are one!" Whether that's a man and a woman. A man and a man. A woman and a woman. It's all the same.
The same can be said for adopting children. Most people (I found out that my mom is one of these people) don't completely care if "Those gays get married" but they believe that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt children. In her (and others) eyes only a man and a woman can raise a child correctly. What about all the single fathers and mothers who choose not to remarry. Who choose not to bring another person into their little family. Are they not good parents? Do they not sacrifice just as much as a "normal" couple to make sure their children are fed, clothed, and well rested? If a single parent can do it then why can't a couple?
I feel that we have all come too far to try to start another "civil war". Does their relationship affect you personally in any way? No. Are they hurting you physically by being together and raising children? No. Then leave everyone be. People are people. That is that. And that's all I have to say on this subject.
)o( Jena
The same can be said for adopting children. Most people (I found out that my mom is one of these people) don't completely care if "Those gays get married" but they believe that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt children. In her (and others) eyes only a man and a woman can raise a child correctly. What about all the single fathers and mothers who choose not to remarry. Who choose not to bring another person into their little family. Are they not good parents? Do they not sacrifice just as much as a "normal" couple to make sure their children are fed, clothed, and well rested? If a single parent can do it then why can't a couple?
I feel that we have all come too far to try to start another "civil war". Does their relationship affect you personally in any way? No. Are they hurting you physically by being together and raising children? No. Then leave everyone be. People are people. That is that. And that's all I have to say on this subject.
)o( Jena
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Day 14 - Conspiracy Theories
My husband loves conspiracy theories. I get that. I knew that when I married him. But since Obama became president he's been so focused on watching videos about all the horrible things going on in the nation. Now don't get me wrong. I believe they're horrible as well but come on! Just the other day he watched a video about a guy being beaten to death by the police. What the point of watching that? What's the point of watching a video that horrible? Isn't it bad enough to know it's being done?
Another thing he's been worried about is the police busting down people's doors because they searched for something that triggered an alarm in their database. They bust down doors because of what you search for, type up, or post online. But here hubby is posting these things on Facebook. Over and over again.
I love him to death but I've already told him that when we have our own children the posting has to stop. If he really believes that this will cost us our freedom and cause the police to bust down our door and throw us all in prison then why would he put us in danger like that? What's the point?
I believe in the freedom of speech but sadly some of the government do not anymore. We live here. We have no where else to go. I'm just...at a loss...
What are your thoughts on this?
)o( Jena
Another thing he's been worried about is the police busting down people's doors because they searched for something that triggered an alarm in their database. They bust down doors because of what you search for, type up, or post online. But here hubby is posting these things on Facebook. Over and over again.
I love him to death but I've already told him that when we have our own children the posting has to stop. If he really believes that this will cost us our freedom and cause the police to bust down our door and throw us all in prison then why would he put us in danger like that? What's the point?
I believe in the freedom of speech but sadly some of the government do not anymore. We live here. We have no where else to go. I'm just...at a loss...
What are your thoughts on this?
)o( Jena
Friday, September 13, 2013
Day 13 - PBP - Monogamy
I'm not sure how others use the page Pagan Blog Prompts. Whether they pick and choose from the archives to find a good topic or if they follow them post for post using all of the prompts. I'm more of a pick and choose type of person. I can't just get a prompt and write about it. It has to be something that speaks to me. This is one of those...
Monogamy is important and unimportant, in my opinion. I guess it depends on how you wish to live your life. I'm bisexual. Always have been I guess but I didn't let myself believe it until right before my wedding. Ironically it was my, then, soon to be husband that told me that he thought I was bisexual. I love men. But I also love women. My thoughts on women haven't changed since then. Neither have my thoughts on marriage. I'm faithful in my relationship to my husband. In a way. I will never love another man. I'll never have sex with another man but, as I've been known to say, "sometimes you need a woman's touch".
My husband encourages this for 2 reasons. 1 - the same reason most men would encourage that their wife/girlfriend/lover/etc. have sex with another woman. 2 - it makes me happy and (I'm assuming here) makes him feel that because he lets me do this, I won't leave.
So, in closing I guess, I'm monogamous in a way. I've had sex with women since my hubby and I got married but never behind his back. I'm not a cheater. It's not my way. All of the women understood that I wouldn't leave him for them. That it was to be a "fling" of sorts. I'm not sure I'm explaining this right lol.
What are you views on monogamy?
)o( Jena
Day 12 (kinda) - Crushing Migraines
Thursdays are normally a great day for me. It's the day that my Avon orders come in. Well, every other Thursday anyway. Today (earlier anyway) was that day. I was all excited to get my new order and sort through it. Something about getting the new brochures and the products just puts a smile on my face. The finances not so much but I digress...
Thursday afternoon at 3pm Avon still hadn't shown up. I get mine delivered by a private company and it's normally here at noon so I figured they were in traffic or had a lot to deliver or something was going on at home for them. I told my baby sister what to do with the Avon if it showed up and then told her I was going to lay down for a nap. When she asked why I said migraine and that was it.
I've had migraines most of my life. They're not frequent but when they hit they're debilitating. I can literally feel people walking through the house. The only management I've found for it is to take an Excedrin and take a nap. I never know how bad my migraine really is until I see just how long I had to sleep to get it to go away. Today was a bad one. I slept from 3pm Thursday afternoon to just about an hour ago (2:30am Friday morning). I woke up once during the day and that's because Hubby informed me that Avon had finally showed up (around 8pm) with an apology from the deliverer. I sorted through it quickly, as his mom was my only customer last campaign, and after handing him his mom's order and a slip of paper with the total due on it, I gave him a kiss and promptly went back to sleep.
I guess the reason I posted this was to ask if anyone else gets migraines this bad? What do you do to help them move along?
)o( Jena
Thursday afternoon at 3pm Avon still hadn't shown up. I get mine delivered by a private company and it's normally here at noon so I figured they were in traffic or had a lot to deliver or something was going on at home for them. I told my baby sister what to do with the Avon if it showed up and then told her I was going to lay down for a nap. When she asked why I said migraine and that was it.
I've had migraines most of my life. They're not frequent but when they hit they're debilitating. I can literally feel people walking through the house. The only management I've found for it is to take an Excedrin and take a nap. I never know how bad my migraine really is until I see just how long I had to sleep to get it to go away. Today was a bad one. I slept from 3pm Thursday afternoon to just about an hour ago (2:30am Friday morning). I woke up once during the day and that's because Hubby informed me that Avon had finally showed up (around 8pm) with an apology from the deliverer. I sorted through it quickly, as his mom was my only customer last campaign, and after handing him his mom's order and a slip of paper with the total due on it, I gave him a kiss and promptly went back to sleep.
I guess the reason I posted this was to ask if anyone else gets migraines this bad? What do you do to help them move along?
)o( Jena
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Day 11 - Remembrance & Rasing Children
You probably saw a lot of 9/11 remembrance posts today. I won't be one of those. I didn't know anyone in the towers. I wasn't directly affected by the terrible events. I know that there are others who were. I would feel cheap if I were to post about what I was doing and where I was during the attacks as, like I said, it didn't directly affect me. I'll leave that to those who were affected. All I will say is that it was a tragic event that wracked the nation with pain and sorrow. It united us in one front. We must never forget that. We must never forget the lives that were lost just to help us come together as a country.
Now onto my original post...
I mentioned the other day that I was going to post about raising children. What should you raise them as? You're religion? Your husband's/wife's/significant other's religion? Your family's religion?
Hubby and I have discussed this at length over the years. Weighing the pros and cons. We came up with our own solution. They will not be raised in any specific religion. They will not be baptized. They will simply be. We will teach them what we know and help them to learn more as they grow older. One day they'll make their own decision. Now, I'm not saying that I wouldn't be ecstatic if my son/daughter followed my path, but it's not necessary. I want them to be happy in the religion they have decided to follow. I want them to live their lives never knowing what it's like to live for years having a religion shoved down their throats when they were too young to know better. Too young to say no. I want them to be who they are. That's it.
If they want to follow their grandparents and be Catholic then that's fine. I'll take them to church so they can learn. If they want to be Baptist, I'll take them so they can learn. Pagan (and anything underneath), Witch, Buddhist, or even a mixture of religions. Whatever makes them happy will make me happy. I want them to grow up knowing that they have the choice how to live their lives. No judgement. No hate. No guilt.
What are your views on this? Should a child be forced to have a religion when they're younger? Or is it better to let them choose on their own?
)o( Jena
Day 10 - Advice - good or bad?
I tend to be the person in my "group" that gets asked for advice a lot. This advice ranges from "What do you think I should wear for..." to "Do you really think that we can be together?" Normally, my advice is taken to heart and is either followed or not. I don't mind that. You came to me for advice. It's a suggestion, not a rule. So if my friends follow the advice I give them that's great. If they don't that's great too. At least they appreciated that I was there for them.
This doesn't happen all the time though. A lot of times I'm asked for advice and the person will immediately blow up at said advice. Claiming that I don't know what I'm talking about and that I should keep my nose out of other people's business. This is what grinds my gears.
If you have taken the time to come to me to ask me for advice on something don't get mad when I tell you something that you don't want to hear. I've had friends claim that they knew I was going to say something to try and stop them doing whatever is they're going to do. If they knew it then why ask me just to get mad when I say it?
What are your thoughts on giving advice to friends/family?
)o( Jena
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Day 9 - The best laid plans...
So, today I was going to post a blog about raising your children and what religion you should raise them in (if any), but I got some news today that has broken my heart. My friend (I'll call her Bunny as it's one of her nicknames) had tonight off (first time in a long time). Hubby and I were going to go and hang out with her tonight. Those plans fell through.
Her grandfather, the man who raised her, passed out and fell late last night and the doctors are saying that this is due to an aneurysm that burst in his brain. He's not expected to make it. She's spending all night at the hospital with the man who she always felt was more of a father than a grandfather watching him spend his last few hours here with us before he leaves this plane.
So tonight instead of a long drawn-out blog talking about anything and everything, I simply ask that you send her some helping thoughts to get her and her family through this trying time. I'll be back tomorrow with another blog. One that will hopefully be up-beat...
)o( Jena
Her grandfather, the man who raised her, passed out and fell late last night and the doctors are saying that this is due to an aneurysm that burst in his brain. He's not expected to make it. She's spending all night at the hospital with the man who she always felt was more of a father than a grandfather watching him spend his last few hours here with us before he leaves this plane.
So tonight instead of a long drawn-out blog talking about anything and everything, I simply ask that you send her some helping thoughts to get her and her family through this trying time. I'll be back tomorrow with another blog. One that will hopefully be up-beat...
)o( Jena
Credit for picture goes to: WNCA.org
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Day 8 - Blogs, Grandparents' Day, and the Perfect Wedding
Let me, first, take a quick moment to say Happy Grandparent's day to all the newbies and all the veterans out there. I hope your day was shiny and happy :D
Woke up today around noon and immediately hopped in the shower. The get-together I mentioned in yesterday's blog was today at 2pm. The get-together was for grandparents day and we had it at my dad's mother's house. We ate, we laughed, we took millions of pictures (which the baby didn't like one bit...you could tell by the way he was trying to cover his face lol) and we just hung out. We left around 4 (if memory serves) and headed back home. Hubby took a nap (as he had to work tonight at 11pm) and I got on the computer and started my blog thing.
So, I have no real reason to be late for this blog other than the fact that I've been catching up on some blogs that I might follow. I say might because I want to read some (okay all) of what the person has posted up to this point. I know it's a bit stalkerish but I don't want to follow a blog that's essentially an online encyclopedia. I like to hear about other people's lives. The ups, the downs, the all arounds. It's why I started a blog. Not only to, hopefully, keep up with my writing, but to share my life's story with whoever will listen.
With that being said one of the blogs I'm currently reading right now is Pagan Culture (I think I'm up to March of 2013! That's quite a feat seeing as she's been on this blog since 2009). And one of her posts got me thinking back on my wedding. I won't go into detail about what was in the post as it's not my place to tell another person's story. But I have linked back if you would like to read it. At the end of this post she posed two questions:
Woke up today around noon and immediately hopped in the shower. The get-together I mentioned in yesterday's blog was today at 2pm. The get-together was for grandparents day and we had it at my dad's mother's house. We ate, we laughed, we took millions of pictures (which the baby didn't like one bit...you could tell by the way he was trying to cover his face lol) and we just hung out. We left around 4 (if memory serves) and headed back home. Hubby took a nap (as he had to work tonight at 11pm) and I got on the computer and started my blog thing.
So, I have no real reason to be late for this blog other than the fact that I've been catching up on some blogs that I might follow. I say might because I want to read some (okay all) of what the person has posted up to this point. I know it's a bit stalkerish but I don't want to follow a blog that's essentially an online encyclopedia. I like to hear about other people's lives. The ups, the downs, the all arounds. It's why I started a blog. Not only to, hopefully, keep up with my writing, but to share my life's story with whoever will listen.
With that being said one of the blogs I'm currently reading right now is Pagan Culture (I think I'm up to March of 2013! That's quite a feat seeing as she's been on this blog since 2009). And one of her posts got me thinking back on my wedding. I won't go into detail about what was in the post as it's not my place to tell another person's story. But I have linked back if you would like to read it. At the end of this post she posed two questions:
1. “Is it ridiculous to want the perfect wedding?”
2. “What if I don’t have the wedding I’ve always wanted, and that ends up ruining my marriage and relationship?
My wedding, to most, would be described as quite simple and small. I've always dreamed of having, what in my opinion was, the "perfect wedding" but I knew that Hubby and I wouldn't be able to afford it. At most we had $3,000 that we could safely budget for the wedding. So, out went the plans of hiring a baker for the cake and a DJ and a wedding planner. I did it all (with a little help from my friends and family).
Using the small budget we had we got a great venue for the wedding/reception at the American Rose Center (since re-named the American Rose Society) for only a third of our budget (I know a third sounds like a lot but to me it was a blessing from the Goddess as I had never heard of anyone getting a place so beautiful for so little). We found my wedding dress at a small boutique for only $65. We bought many of our items at the local Wal*Mart (guest book, cake stand, fake flowers, etc.). I made the bouquets using ribbon and fake flowers. My mother and I baked the cake ourselves the day before. Finally, I created and printed out all of the invitations and "Thank You"s.
It was the most hectic, strained, loud, nerve-racking, head splitting, beautiful day of my life. After all the screaming and tears the only thing that mattered was that my love and I exchanged our vows and were together. We had it in the middle of the week so not everyone was able to attend (if memory serves we had 26 people there which included the guests, the wedding party, and the JP), and it wasn't big and elaborate but it was our wedding and it was special to us. One day we'll renew our vows and have the big ceremony I've always dreamed of, but it isn't a necessity to our happiness or our marriage.
So to answer the questions from Pagan Culture's blog:
1) There's no such thing as the perfect wedding. Things go wrong. People fall out. Plans change. In the end it's just you and the person you're marrying. As long as you both are happy then what does it matter? Besides no one ever said you couldn't have a bigger wedding down the road when finances are more stable.
2) If you don't have the big wedding and it ruins your marriage then, in my opinion, you weren't ready to be married yet. Something so trivial (yes trivial) as a wedding can't destroy a marriage if it's made to last. Some women just want the wedding. To make things last you must want a marriage.
What are your views on this? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
)o( Jena
Day 7 - I'm here! I exist! Listen to me!
So, today started out slow. But it soon blew up around me. My mom is very opinionated. She also has a tendency to not listen to anyone else and assume that everyone is yelling at her (when they don't agree with her of course). We were making a small grocery list. I say small because we did the bulk of our shopping just this past Thursday. We just forgot a few things.
We're going over the list that we've made and the few things that we still need to get when she brought up getting some more dish tablets for the dish washer. Now, hubby had already bought (with his own money) some dish washing gel the day before (we've been having a problem with these new tablets that my dad picked up getting stuck to the "door" of the dish washer and only washing half of the dishes at one time). So I told her this. She said "oh no". Apparently, she had forgotten to mention that she believes that the tablets are getting stuck because we forgot the run the dishwasher empty the last couple of weeks to clean it. We try to do it once a week but we've forgotten. We're human we all forget things.
Once she told me this, I said "Oh ok. Tonight I'll run it empty and then I'll put some dishes in it with a tablet and check it out. But if it doesn't work what do you want me to do?" She immediately assumed I was yelling at her. How? I don't know. So she starts saying "Don't yell at me. All I said was that--" and she stopped. Most likely because she could see the look of WTF on my face. When she stopped I said, calmly, "I wasn't yelling all I said was--" And she cut me off by yelling and screaming that I never listen to her and that I think I know everything and that she was just trying to tell me what she thought.
Now, I hate yelling at my mom. It makes her cry which makes me cry. But at this point I lost it. I screamed back stating how I always listen to her. If anyone doesn't listen in this house it's her. Whenever someone tries to tell her something she immediately interrupts with something she wants to say. But heaven forbid we ever do that to her! All this yelling causes both my dad and my husband to run into the room. Dad's trying to get us both to stop yelling but it's just too far gone now. We're both screaming and red in the face and crying. We finally stop because well Dad has a good yelling voice and we finally heard him.
He asks what's going on and I try to calmly explain. In the middle of my explanation she starts yelling again. Stating that there I go again yelling at her. At this point I was beyond pissed. But I soon felt vindicated when my dad stated that I hadn't even raised my voice in my explanation. Then she starts yelling again. Which gets me going again. My dad, I guess, had enough of it. He told us to stay in the room (mainly me as I was trying to walk away to calm down) and iron this out as peacefully as possible. He then shut the door and walked away.
We spent the first 20 minutes in silence. Well, not really. She was silent. I was hyperventilating. When I yell I breathe hard. When I cry I breathe hard. Normally, if I'm allowed to get away from the situation, I can calm my breathing down. But as I was forced to stay there I was breathing too hard. When I finally managed to get my breathing in check I looked at my mom. Who didn't look so much pissed as concerned at this point. I stated that I was ok and we stood (well I stood, she sat) for another 10 minutes in silence. She finally starts talking, calmly for the first time since this ordeal started. I tried to talk as well but immediately got shut down. Long story short, as much of what was said in this hour between us was personal, she came away feeling better because we'd talked. I just felt pissed again. Why? Because in that hour she talked and I listened. Did I get a chance? No.
Now I know that I'm young, but I have my own opinions. And just like anyone else, I get pissed when I'm not allowed to voice those opinions when someone else already has. But anyway...
My husband and I left to do the little bit of shopping that needed to be done. During this trip we argued. Why? Because now he was doing what my mother had just done not even 20 minutes before. He wasn't letting me talk. He asked me what we had talked about and, as I tried, he cut me off. Not so much with a word as a look. Hubby has these looks that he'll get when he really wants to say something. They're easy to ignore if you're one of those people who doesn't look at someone when you're talking to them. I'm not that kind of person. I gauge reactions as I'm talking. I use this on my family. Mainly due to the fact that they all share the same opinions (those that differ from mine). I hate arguments. I don't like confrontation. So, I do what I can to avoid it.
Then he decided to spring on me that he wants me to make my banana pudding. Now I don't mind making my banana pudding or anything else for that matter because my hubby likes it. But I need ample amount of time to make these things. My banana pudding takes about an hour to get ready. On top of that it needs to sit in the fridge for 4 hours before you can serve it (though it can sit longer if you're making it for a get-together the following day). When he sprung that on me it was 1:30 in the morning. I'm tired. I'm emotionally drained and I can feel it taking a toll on my body already. I don't have the energy to make a banana pudding. Not if I plan on getting enough sleep before tomorrow.
Anyway more "fighting" ensued. I say "fighting" because we were in the kitchen within earshot of my dad and I hate fighting in front of my family. The fight is between me and my husband and should stay that way. Is it really too much to ask for someone to listen to me? Is it really too much to actually want to get some things out in the open? Is it really too much to ask that not all of my arguments with my husband end up with him trying to make me laugh just to push the argument off for another day?
All-in-all a bad and tiring day. The pudding's in the fridge, the kitchen is clean, and here I am typing up yet another late blog. I need to sleep...
)o( Jena
We're going over the list that we've made and the few things that we still need to get when she brought up getting some more dish tablets for the dish washer. Now, hubby had already bought (with his own money) some dish washing gel the day before (we've been having a problem with these new tablets that my dad picked up getting stuck to the "door" of the dish washer and only washing half of the dishes at one time). So I told her this. She said "oh no". Apparently, she had forgotten to mention that she believes that the tablets are getting stuck because we forgot the run the dishwasher empty the last couple of weeks to clean it. We try to do it once a week but we've forgotten. We're human we all forget things.
Once she told me this, I said "Oh ok. Tonight I'll run it empty and then I'll put some dishes in it with a tablet and check it out. But if it doesn't work what do you want me to do?" She immediately assumed I was yelling at her. How? I don't know. So she starts saying "Don't yell at me. All I said was that--" and she stopped. Most likely because she could see the look of WTF on my face. When she stopped I said, calmly, "I wasn't yelling all I said was--" And she cut me off by yelling and screaming that I never listen to her and that I think I know everything and that she was just trying to tell me what she thought.
Now, I hate yelling at my mom. It makes her cry which makes me cry. But at this point I lost it. I screamed back stating how I always listen to her. If anyone doesn't listen in this house it's her. Whenever someone tries to tell her something she immediately interrupts with something she wants to say. But heaven forbid we ever do that to her! All this yelling causes both my dad and my husband to run into the room. Dad's trying to get us both to stop yelling but it's just too far gone now. We're both screaming and red in the face and crying. We finally stop because well Dad has a good yelling voice and we finally heard him.
He asks what's going on and I try to calmly explain. In the middle of my explanation she starts yelling again. Stating that there I go again yelling at her. At this point I was beyond pissed. But I soon felt vindicated when my dad stated that I hadn't even raised my voice in my explanation. Then she starts yelling again. Which gets me going again. My dad, I guess, had enough of it. He told us to stay in the room (mainly me as I was trying to walk away to calm down) and iron this out as peacefully as possible. He then shut the door and walked away.
We spent the first 20 minutes in silence. Well, not really. She was silent. I was hyperventilating. When I yell I breathe hard. When I cry I breathe hard. Normally, if I'm allowed to get away from the situation, I can calm my breathing down. But as I was forced to stay there I was breathing too hard. When I finally managed to get my breathing in check I looked at my mom. Who didn't look so much pissed as concerned at this point. I stated that I was ok and we stood (well I stood, she sat) for another 10 minutes in silence. She finally starts talking, calmly for the first time since this ordeal started. I tried to talk as well but immediately got shut down. Long story short, as much of what was said in this hour between us was personal, she came away feeling better because we'd talked. I just felt pissed again. Why? Because in that hour she talked and I listened. Did I get a chance? No.
Now I know that I'm young, but I have my own opinions. And just like anyone else, I get pissed when I'm not allowed to voice those opinions when someone else already has. But anyway...
My husband and I left to do the little bit of shopping that needed to be done. During this trip we argued. Why? Because now he was doing what my mother had just done not even 20 minutes before. He wasn't letting me talk. He asked me what we had talked about and, as I tried, he cut me off. Not so much with a word as a look. Hubby has these looks that he'll get when he really wants to say something. They're easy to ignore if you're one of those people who doesn't look at someone when you're talking to them. I'm not that kind of person. I gauge reactions as I'm talking. I use this on my family. Mainly due to the fact that they all share the same opinions (those that differ from mine). I hate arguments. I don't like confrontation. So, I do what I can to avoid it.
Then he decided to spring on me that he wants me to make my banana pudding. Now I don't mind making my banana pudding or anything else for that matter because my hubby likes it. But I need ample amount of time to make these things. My banana pudding takes about an hour to get ready. On top of that it needs to sit in the fridge for 4 hours before you can serve it (though it can sit longer if you're making it for a get-together the following day). When he sprung that on me it was 1:30 in the morning. I'm tired. I'm emotionally drained and I can feel it taking a toll on my body already. I don't have the energy to make a banana pudding. Not if I plan on getting enough sleep before tomorrow.
Anyway more "fighting" ensued. I say "fighting" because we were in the kitchen within earshot of my dad and I hate fighting in front of my family. The fight is between me and my husband and should stay that way. Is it really too much to ask for someone to listen to me? Is it really too much to actually want to get some things out in the open? Is it really too much to ask that not all of my arguments with my husband end up with him trying to make me laugh just to push the argument off for another day?
All-in-all a bad and tiring day. The pudding's in the fridge, the kitchen is clean, and here I am typing up yet another late blog. I need to sleep...
)o( Jena
Friday, September 6, 2013
Day 6 - Bowling Season Has Begun
I love to bowl. I was in an Adult/Youth league when I was younger. At first with my mom, dad, and kid sister (as it was a 4 person team and my baby sister was still too young). Two years later, baby sister joins the team and mom sits on the sidelines watching and cheering. Since then I haven't "officially" bowled in a league. I've been the "extra" member on 3 occasions (For those who don't know the "extra" member is the person who is called first when one of the other 4 members won't make it that week. If there is no extra then a sub is called). Of those 3 occasions 2 of them were with my in-laws team a few years ago: My husband, his parents, and two "friends" of his parents (5 person team in that league). The last occasion was last year. I was the 5th member on my dad's team.
My dad's league has teams that are made up of 2 females and 2 males, at all times. If a male can't make it then you get a male sub. If there are no male subs then it's a "blind" bowler. Last year, I was the 3rd female on the team. I bowled a total of 9 games the whole season (3 different days, 3 games a day). At the end of the season we found out that the only couple on the team had decided that they were moving away and weren't going to be able to bowl. So my dad turned to me. Of course I said yes. I'm not a very good bowler, I'll admit, but I have fun while I'm doing it so it's all good. Plus if I didn't bowl what kind of exercise would I have?
So this year, I am not only an official member of my dad's team but my dad, who was appointed Vice-President of the league at the end of last year, appointed me Team Captain. Woo-hoo!! So, technically it's my team :D
Again not a very good bowler, but I have to say I did good tonight. Got a 92, a 104, and a 133. Consistently better each game. And I ended up with a 109 average. If I can do that good again each week, I see no problem hitting that mark, or hitting close to it anyway. My husband bowls on a different team but that's ok. He promised them at the end of last year that he'd bowl with them so he is (their 2nd male left after 2 weeks and hubby was just a sub at the time so they asked him to join).
My wrist hurts, my feet hurt, I'm sweating my ass off, I jambed a couple of fingers and my heart was, until just recently, pounding like I'd never used it before. But all-in-all I had a great night. Lots of laughs, joking around, and all around fun. Can't wait for the rest of the season :D
My dad's league has teams that are made up of 2 females and 2 males, at all times. If a male can't make it then you get a male sub. If there are no male subs then it's a "blind" bowler. Last year, I was the 3rd female on the team. I bowled a total of 9 games the whole season (3 different days, 3 games a day). At the end of the season we found out that the only couple on the team had decided that they were moving away and weren't going to be able to bowl. So my dad turned to me. Of course I said yes. I'm not a very good bowler, I'll admit, but I have fun while I'm doing it so it's all good. Plus if I didn't bowl what kind of exercise would I have?
So this year, I am not only an official member of my dad's team but my dad, who was appointed Vice-President of the league at the end of last year, appointed me Team Captain. Woo-hoo!! So, technically it's my team :D
Again not a very good bowler, but I have to say I did good tonight. Got a 92, a 104, and a 133. Consistently better each game. And I ended up with a 109 average. If I can do that good again each week, I see no problem hitting that mark, or hitting close to it anyway. My husband bowls on a different team but that's ok. He promised them at the end of last year that he'd bowl with them so he is (their 2nd male left after 2 weeks and hubby was just a sub at the time so they asked him to join).
My wrist hurts, my feet hurt, I'm sweating my ass off, I jambed a couple of fingers and my heart was, until just recently, pounding like I'd never used it before. But all-in-all I had a great night. Lots of laughs, joking around, and all around fun. Can't wait for the rest of the season :D
Day 5 - My mother
Sorry to anyone who's reading this as I am a little late with posting this. About three hours late to be exact. So I'm unsure what to post about today so I guess I'll go with something that I have typed up in a notepad.
So, I think I already mentioned that I live with my mother, but did I mention that she's Catholic? I didn't? Well here goes...
Basically my family is Catholic: My dad, my mom, both sets of grandparents, and (as far as I know) my mom's grandparents on her mothers side. Funny little bit of information: My great-grandma was raised Catholic and her husband was raised Baptist. They decided to raise their children Catholic. My grandma (mom's mom) was raised Catholic (though she later converted to Baptist as it felt more right to her) and both of her husbands were raised Baptist. Again the children were raised Catholic. My dad's mom was raised Catholic and her husband was raised Baptist. Do you see a pattern here? The funny part is that I was raised Catholic by two Catholic parents (though I am now an Eclectic Wiccan) and my husband was raised Baptist (though he is now a self-proclaimed Evolutionist Atheist). What will we raise our children as? Whatever their hearts desire. But that's a different blog...
Anyway, back on track. I was raised in the Catholic faith until I was 15 years old. That was the one and only time my mom acted like a "non-Catholic" (in my opinion anyway). Every year until my 15th birthday I attended Sunday school before church, attended mass with my parents and sisters right after Sunday school, I went to summer bible "camp" (that was held at the Sunday school), etc. etc. etc. The day before I turned 15 was a Sunday so my mom turned to me and said "Well, Jena. It's up to you now. You're 15. Do you want to go to church or not?"
I hadn't felt connected to Catholicism for 3 years by then and I, of course, said that I wanted to stay home. I could tell that she felt disappointed when I said that but she didn't argue. She, my dad and my sisters went to church while I spent my first Sunday at home alone (without being too sick to attend church of course). It was...freeing for lack of a better term. I spent the whole day reading. Well, it felt like the whole day. It was more like a couple of hours during mass but whatever. I was 15 and a couple of hours to a teenager is a lifetime.
It went like this for a couple of months. Every Sunday I would be asked if I wanted to go to church and every Sunday I would say no thanks. My mom finally got the message after that couple of months because she stopped asking me.
Now don't get me wrong. I respect all religions. Believe what you want to believe and I'll believe what I want to believe. No shoving anything down people's throats. No belittling other people's opinions. Just be who you are and live your life.
The first day I came out of the broom closet was when I was 17 years old. I came out to my then fiancé. Since then I've told other people when asked (i.e. my sisters, a few friends, etc.) the one person I haven't told to their face was my mother. She found out when I posted it on my Myspace page. Now I will admit the way I did it was quite...childish. I was 18 years old and newly married and living 1500 miles away from the place I'd always called home. It was then I decided to update my Myspace account to state that I was married, change my current city, change my name, and my religion.
As I stated before I am a momma's girl. It's what eventually had my husband and I moving back to Louisiana only 2 months after moving 1500 miles away. As he says it "I took her from the womb across the country." I hadn't actually spoken a lot to my mom when we moved back. We'd spoken in the sense of "How are you?" and "I miss you." and things of that nature but not a long discussion on my religious beliefs. I was thankful for this. I knew that just saying I was Wiccan on something like Myspace was so heartbreaking for her and I hate seeing my mom that way. I think that's what ultimately made me decide to do it that way.
When we moved back things were ok at first. We were living with my husband's parents until we got back on our feet and we were visiting my parents as often as possible. Nothing was said at this point. I figured that she hadn't seen it and that was that. I was wrong. One day we were at her mom's house for something...I can't remember what now but we (my mom, myself, my grandmother, and one of my aunts) were sitting outside talking. The subject of religion came up. I blanched.
My mom was talking about how she felt that she had "betrayed God" because her oldest child wasn't Catholic (or even Christian for that matter). The way mom Grandma put it was "Don't worry, it might be a phase. And even if it's not she's still your daughter. Remember how I was with you when you were younger?" And that was that. I had survived my first "oh my god my daughter is a Wiccan what do I do?".
Now as time went one this wasn't a topic of discussion. The way my mom was dealing with it was pretending it hadn't happened. Not so far as to keep asking me about church and things but far enough that we didn't talk about it at all. This was kept up until after we moved in with her to take care of her (a year or two after her stroke if I remember correctly).
Because I was here all the time she now had to deal with it all the time. And I knew she could remember it because she wanted to talk about it. To anyone but me of course, but she was talking about it. She was posting on Facebook asking her god-parents to pray for her daughters and her sons-in-law because none of us follow the Catholic path (you already know about my husband and I, my brother-in-law is Christian [not sure what kind], my kid sister is Baptist, and my baby sister is Pagan [she's still studying about it so she hasn't decided to put a true name to her path yet]).
The way I deal with this? I leave it alone. I live in my mother's house. She has her opinions I have mine. I don't openly practice my faith in her house (i.e. no altar, no rituals/spells/etc., no open display of my books, etc.). The most I do here is send up silent prayers throughout the day to the Goddess. I read my small collection of books (that is kept in my room in a basket with a few notebooks on top so that it can't be seen). And sometimes I'll type up different things that will, eventually, go into my BOS. I'm respectful, in other words, of how my mom feels.
When I get my own place this will not be the case. My things will be proudly displayed throughout the house. Why? because I want them there and my husband, though he doesn't share my beliefs, is supportive and doesn't want me to feel "cramped" with my religion.
Anyway I feel like I've rambled throughout this whole blog so I'll stop now. That's it for today.
)o( Jena
So, I think I already mentioned that I live with my mother, but did I mention that she's Catholic? I didn't? Well here goes...
Basically my family is Catholic: My dad, my mom, both sets of grandparents, and (as far as I know) my mom's grandparents on her mothers side. Funny little bit of information: My great-grandma was raised Catholic and her husband was raised Baptist. They decided to raise their children Catholic. My grandma (mom's mom) was raised Catholic (though she later converted to Baptist as it felt more right to her) and both of her husbands were raised Baptist. Again the children were raised Catholic. My dad's mom was raised Catholic and her husband was raised Baptist. Do you see a pattern here? The funny part is that I was raised Catholic by two Catholic parents (though I am now an Eclectic Wiccan) and my husband was raised Baptist (though he is now a self-proclaimed Evolutionist Atheist). What will we raise our children as? Whatever their hearts desire. But that's a different blog...
Anyway, back on track. I was raised in the Catholic faith until I was 15 years old. That was the one and only time my mom acted like a "non-Catholic" (in my opinion anyway). Every year until my 15th birthday I attended Sunday school before church, attended mass with my parents and sisters right after Sunday school, I went to summer bible "camp" (that was held at the Sunday school), etc. etc. etc. The day before I turned 15 was a Sunday so my mom turned to me and said "Well, Jena. It's up to you now. You're 15. Do you want to go to church or not?"
I hadn't felt connected to Catholicism for 3 years by then and I, of course, said that I wanted to stay home. I could tell that she felt disappointed when I said that but she didn't argue. She, my dad and my sisters went to church while I spent my first Sunday at home alone (without being too sick to attend church of course). It was...freeing for lack of a better term. I spent the whole day reading. Well, it felt like the whole day. It was more like a couple of hours during mass but whatever. I was 15 and a couple of hours to a teenager is a lifetime.
It went like this for a couple of months. Every Sunday I would be asked if I wanted to go to church and every Sunday I would say no thanks. My mom finally got the message after that couple of months because she stopped asking me.
Now don't get me wrong. I respect all religions. Believe what you want to believe and I'll believe what I want to believe. No shoving anything down people's throats. No belittling other people's opinions. Just be who you are and live your life.
The first day I came out of the broom closet was when I was 17 years old. I came out to my then fiancé. Since then I've told other people when asked (i.e. my sisters, a few friends, etc.) the one person I haven't told to their face was my mother. She found out when I posted it on my Myspace page. Now I will admit the way I did it was quite...childish. I was 18 years old and newly married and living 1500 miles away from the place I'd always called home. It was then I decided to update my Myspace account to state that I was married, change my current city, change my name, and my religion.
As I stated before I am a momma's girl. It's what eventually had my husband and I moving back to Louisiana only 2 months after moving 1500 miles away. As he says it "I took her from the womb across the country." I hadn't actually spoken a lot to my mom when we moved back. We'd spoken in the sense of "How are you?" and "I miss you." and things of that nature but not a long discussion on my religious beliefs. I was thankful for this. I knew that just saying I was Wiccan on something like Myspace was so heartbreaking for her and I hate seeing my mom that way. I think that's what ultimately made me decide to do it that way.
When we moved back things were ok at first. We were living with my husband's parents until we got back on our feet and we were visiting my parents as often as possible. Nothing was said at this point. I figured that she hadn't seen it and that was that. I was wrong. One day we were at her mom's house for something...I can't remember what now but we (my mom, myself, my grandmother, and one of my aunts) were sitting outside talking. The subject of religion came up. I blanched.
My mom was talking about how she felt that she had "betrayed God" because her oldest child wasn't Catholic (or even Christian for that matter). The way mom Grandma put it was "Don't worry, it might be a phase. And even if it's not she's still your daughter. Remember how I was with you when you were younger?" And that was that. I had survived my first "oh my god my daughter is a Wiccan what do I do?".
Now as time went one this wasn't a topic of discussion. The way my mom was dealing with it was pretending it hadn't happened. Not so far as to keep asking me about church and things but far enough that we didn't talk about it at all. This was kept up until after we moved in with her to take care of her (a year or two after her stroke if I remember correctly).
Because I was here all the time she now had to deal with it all the time. And I knew she could remember it because she wanted to talk about it. To anyone but me of course, but she was talking about it. She was posting on Facebook asking her god-parents to pray for her daughters and her sons-in-law because none of us follow the Catholic path (you already know about my husband and I, my brother-in-law is Christian [not sure what kind], my kid sister is Baptist, and my baby sister is Pagan [she's still studying about it so she hasn't decided to put a true name to her path yet]).
The way I deal with this? I leave it alone. I live in my mother's house. She has her opinions I have mine. I don't openly practice my faith in her house (i.e. no altar, no rituals/spells/etc., no open display of my books, etc.). The most I do here is send up silent prayers throughout the day to the Goddess. I read my small collection of books (that is kept in my room in a basket with a few notebooks on top so that it can't be seen). And sometimes I'll type up different things that will, eventually, go into my BOS. I'm respectful, in other words, of how my mom feels.
When I get my own place this will not be the case. My things will be proudly displayed throughout the house. Why? because I want them there and my husband, though he doesn't share my beliefs, is supportive and doesn't want me to feel "cramped" with my religion.
Anyway I feel like I've rambled throughout this whole blog so I'll stop now. That's it for today.
)o( Jena
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Day 4 - Books are here!!
So, I woke up a little late today with a surprise! My sister brought her little bundle of joy by to see us :D and I got my books! (Yes they were actually in the package!) So, after holding my little nephew for a while before he had to go home I have now started reading my new "stack" of books. I'm gonna post them up in order of how I'll read them: one I'll most likely not like all the way to the one I know I love :) I'll post a what is found on the backs of the books to give short synopses of each.
~~~oOo~~~
The Blob
by: David Bischoff
(based off the 1988 movie)
(based off the 1988 movie)
Thirty years ago, THE BLOB was captured and dispatched to outer space by the United States Armed Forces. Now it's back as an exploding, overwhelming force of evil unleashing unimaginable fear upon it's victims. Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith and Donovan Leitch star in this contemporary horror story that propels the cult classic monster into the modern age with state of the art technology and terror.
~~~oOo~~~
Excavation
by: James Rollins
The South American jungle guards many secrets... and a remarkable site nestled between two towering Andean peaks, hidden from human eyes for thousands of years. Dig deeper...through layers of rock and mystery, through centuries of dark, forgotten legend. Into ancient catacombs... where ingenious traps have been laid to ensnare the careless and unsuspecting; where earth-shattering discoveries--and wealth beyond imagining--could be the reward for those with the courage to face the terrible unknown. Something is waiting... here where the perilous journey ends, in the cold, shrouded heart of a breathtaking necropolis; something created by Man, yet not humanly possible. Something wondrous. Something terrifying.
~~~oOo~~~
The Beast that was Max
by: Gerard Houarner
Max walks in two worlds. He resides in the borderland between the world of shadowy government conspiracy and the world of vengeful ghosts and evil gods, between living flesh and supernatural spirits--between life and death. For Max is the ultimate killer an assassin powered by the Beast, an inner demon that enables him to kill--and do it incredibly well.
But the Beast inside Max is very real and very much alive. He is all of Max's dark desires, his murderous impulses, and he won't ever let Max forget that he exists. The Beast is Max. So it won't be easy for Max to silence the Beast, though he knows that is what he must do to reclaim his humanity. But without the protection of the Beast, Max the assassin will soon find himself the prey, the target of the spirits of his past victims.
~~~oOo~~~
Blindsight
by: Michael Stewart
(Sorry the pic isn't like the others I couldn't find one online so I had to use my webcam)
Blindsight: residual vision following lesion of the striate cortex. That is, the ability of a blind person to see.
Just when Guy Sullivan thought he was over his wife's death, he is devastated to learn he is going blind. His last, fragile hope lies in radical--possibly dangerous--experiments in blindsight. But with each jarring headache that heralds his coming darkness, the young schoolteacher is haunted by bizarre clairvoyant flashes--previsions of the future.
To Jamie Sullivan, his father's blindness is God's will--a punishment for letting his mother die. And when Jamie himself becomes the instrument of God's wrath, Guy must race against time to prevent his last horrifying premonition from coming true...
~~~oOo~~~
Spook Night
by: David Robbins
(found on the very first page)
Fearing he's losing touch with his wife and teenage children, John Grant moves to a little town named Spook Hollow. Once away from the pressure of city life, he's sure he can save his marriage. But he doesn't know about the local ghost stores--or the legendary specter that has left more than one of the townspeople real dead. As Halloween night approaches, spirits rise and panic spreads. And if John can't find a way to stop the phantom terror, his dream home will be filled with deadly nightmares that will destroy his family.
(found on the back cover)
Spirits from their graves will rise.
Panic through the streets will spread.
One ghost shrieks and rants and cries.
One demon feeds upon the dead.
Kill the evil if you dare.
Nightmares fill with devils from hell.
In the dark are death and fear.
Goblins and ghouls, spooks and spells--
Halloween comes and they appear.
Terror rules the world--Beware!
~~~oOo~~~
Cursed be the Child
by: Mort Castle
The Past...
Her innocence betrayed, her body battered, her life destroyed, five-year-old Lisette lay dying. But hers was a will of uncommon strength for one so young, and even as she slipped into unconsciousness, she vowed revenge on a cruel world--even if she had to wait for an eternity.
The Present...
Five-year-old Melissa loved her family's new home, especially the big basement to play in--and her new friend Lisette. Missy's parents said Lisette was imaginary, but Missy knew that she was very real. Missy could see and hear and talk to her. But Lisette made Missy do scary things, dirty things she didn't want to do, and when Missy told her to leave, Lisette wouldn't go away. Lisette had waited years for a child whose soul she could steal, and now nothing--not even death--could stand in her way...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Day 3 Part 2 - Blog Topics
Ok so it's technically the 4th now so it should be 4th day right? Not really. It's only 1 in the morning and I'm one of those people that doesn't call it the next day until I wake up. Make sense? I hope so.
Anyway, I was just catching up on some blogs that I follow (I might grab some buttons soon and make a post for them. Maybe even put a gadget on the side. I haven't decided yet...), and I noticed a pattern. Well maybe not a real pattern but it was a pattern to me. Random Blog Topics! Yes, random topics that came from anywhere and everywhere. (You see what I mean by not really a pattern?)
These different blogs would use random topics if they couldn't think of one from the get go. And nine times out of 10 they worked great. So that's what I'll do. If I can't think of a good topic to post on then I'll use a random one. Maybe one from Pagan Blog Prompts (as it's the only blog prompt site popping into mind right now lol). I've also started a list of blog topics that I would, eventually, like to talk about. Maybe even more than once. I might go ahead and get some of them started and just hold on to 'em till I have them tweaked enough to publish. Thanks again, to anyone who reads this. And if you have any other suggestions of topics or pages to get random blog prompts comment and let me know! :)
)o( Jena
Anyway, I was just catching up on some blogs that I follow (I might grab some buttons soon and make a post for them. Maybe even put a gadget on the side. I haven't decided yet...), and I noticed a pattern. Well maybe not a real pattern but it was a pattern to me. Random Blog Topics! Yes, random topics that came from anywhere and everywhere. (You see what I mean by not really a pattern?)
These different blogs would use random topics if they couldn't think of one from the get go. And nine times out of 10 they worked great. So that's what I'll do. If I can't think of a good topic to post on then I'll use a random one. Maybe one from Pagan Blog Prompts (as it's the only blog prompt site popping into mind right now lol). I've also started a list of blog topics that I would, eventually, like to talk about. Maybe even more than once. I might go ahead and get some of them started and just hold on to 'em till I have them tweaked enough to publish. Thanks again, to anyone who reads this. And if you have any other suggestions of topics or pages to get random blog prompts comment and let me know! :)
)o( Jena
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Day 3 - Busy Life...
So I was having a discussion with the hubbit last night and I came to realize that there are a lot of things that I want to do in my life. When I was younger all I wanted to do was get married, have children, go to college, and become a teacher. Now those things are still on my list but it has gotten significantly longer. Since I'm not sure how to put this list in blog form I'm just going to put it in list form. It might make it easier on me to remember them as well. So here goes:
1. get married - done
2. be a mother - working on it
3. go to college
4. become an algebra teacher
5. obtain/make/buy my very own Book of Shadows - I've found one that I would like to buy on The Witches Moon. They make custom BOS's for a very good price.
6. learn calligraphy - to use in my BOS because well my handwriting (though hubbit calls it "pretty") is very hard to read years later when I've changed it around so much
7. have an herb garden
8. make my own wand
9. take belly dancing lessons - it's a great way to get in shape, or so I hear
10. join a coven - possibly, maybe, one day...
11. start "jarring" - I've also heard it called "canning" or "tinning" I just want to do that in harvest months so that by the time winter rolls around me and my family will have fresh, preserved food to eat
12. earn a living from home - I already work from home now I just need to broaden my "customer list" so I can start earning a living
13. become a published author - whether that's with my poetry, my short stories, or a (finally finished) novel
That's pretty much it for now. I suppose I should make a page on this blog titled "Things I Want To Do In My Life" then I can look back on it and either add to it or mark things off as I finally realize my dreams. Thanks for listening. Or reading as it were.
)o( Jena
Update: I put the page up so I can edit it when I need to. You can find it here.
~~~oOo~~~
Things I Want To Do In My Life:
(in no particular order)
(in no particular order)
1. get married - done
2. be a mother - working on it
3. go to college
4. become an algebra teacher
5. obtain/make/buy my very own Book of Shadows - I've found one that I would like to buy on The Witches Moon. They make custom BOS's for a very good price.
6. learn calligraphy - to use in my BOS because well my handwriting (though hubbit calls it "pretty") is very hard to read years later when I've changed it around so much
7. have an herb garden
8. make my own wand
9. take belly dancing lessons - it's a great way to get in shape, or so I hear
10. join a coven - possibly, maybe, one day...
11. start "jarring" - I've also heard it called "canning" or "tinning" I just want to do that in harvest months so that by the time winter rolls around me and my family will have fresh, preserved food to eat
12. earn a living from home - I already work from home now I just need to broaden my "customer list" so I can start earning a living
13. become a published author - whether that's with my poetry, my short stories, or a (finally finished) novel
~~~oOo~~~
That's pretty much it for now. I suppose I should make a page on this blog titled "Things I Want To Do In My Life" then I can look back on it and either add to it or mark things off as I finally realize my dreams. Thanks for listening. Or reading as it were.
)o( Jena
Update: I put the page up so I can edit it when I need to. You can find it here.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Day 2 - Insomnia and Overbearing First Time Grandmothers...
So, I'm mad at myself. Last night as I laid down to go to sleep a whole blog popped up in my head. I could almost read it as if I was a follower of my own blog. Then I told myself the biggest lie that everyone tells themselves:
Well, look how well that worked out...
Onto the Insomnia...
I think I have it. Not 100% sure as I've never been diagnosed with it. I hate doctors. They tell you all kinds of things that just contradict what they previously said or they give you weird diagnoses (yes that's the plural and yes I had to look it up) that, again, just contradict the previous diagnoses. Then there's the doctor's bills, the numerous follow ups, the constant referrals. It's annoying and I don't want to go through with it unless absolutely necessary. But I digress...
I think I have insomnia. Why do I say this? Not because I can't sleep at night but because of how bad I can't sleep at night. It's not every night. No, some nights I get home and as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out like a light until the sun comes up. Most nights though I just can't sleep. I lay there for hours on end willing myself to sleep and it just won't happen. My body is ready but my mind has decided to give me a play-by-play of my entire day in the slowest possible way.
I've tried everything. Warm milk (made me want to puke and I'm lactose inotlerant so it just had me runnin' to the bathroom), sleeping pills (all different kinds, only one kinda worked but all it did was make me drowsy, it didn't shut my brain up), light exercising, laying in a dark room with my eyes closed, reading until you fall alseep with said book in hand, watching the most boring thing on the planet, etc. etc. etc. All short of having the hubbit knock me out cold every night.
Oh the worst is when I actually manage to fall asleep and then wake up every 2-3 hours for no reason what-so-ever. It's not too hot or cold in the room, hubbit didn't roll over and hit me, I didn't fall off the bed, no loud noise, no light on, nothing. Ugh!
Anyway, moving past that. My mother, Goddess bless her, is taking this first time grandmother thing to new heights. Now keep in mind that she had a stroke 3 years ago (she hasn't fully recovered from it because we found out that she had actually had the stroke 12 full hours before anyone, even her, found out about it) and due to this her emotions are always running on high.
Just the other day her and I were talking about just people. Gay, straight, black, white, just people. She said "People need to learn from their mistakes. There's no use telling someone who's so fixated on doing something not to do that thing. They need to do it and either succeed and be happy or fail and learn from it." There was more said but I can't remember most of it. Then just today she decided that it was time to get angry at my sister because "she's not raising her son properly". He's a day shy of a week old. What raising? He cries, he eats, he poops, he sleeps.
She got mad because she (my sister) wanted to go see her husband's "mom" (a woman that his dad dated for years when he was younger. Though the relationship didn't work out she stayed in his life so he considers her a mom to him). The reason she got mad? Because "He's too young to be going out! He needs to be at home for a good 2-3 weeks before you take him outside!" etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda.
Then she got mad at her because my sister wants to drive her car in 3 weeks. Now she was told by her doctor that she isn't allowed to drive for a couple of weeks until her stomach heals a bit. She's been out of the hospital for a few days now and the doctor said a couple of weeks. She wants to go back to driving a week after the couple of weeks thing. Why did my mom get mad? Because she heard the doctor say 6 weeks. How you get six from a couple I'll never know.
Why do I know she's getting mad at these things? Because I live with her. Yes, I'm 23 years old, been married for 5 years, and I still live with my mother... Not by choice I'll tell you that. But anyway, because I live with her and my sister does not she chooses to come at me with all this shit. Yelling and screaming at me for something that I didn't do. For something I have no control over. For that matter neither does she.
Why not let her learn from her mistakes? Isn't that what she just said the other day? So after going through my normal (and now second-nature) "Mom, don't yell at me I have no control over this" I brought up the fact that she said that people need to learn from their mistakes. She scoffed at me and said "Not my daughter. I made enough mistakes for all 3 of you to learn from." And that was that. She walked away.
I need out of this house. I need some sanity back in my life. I love my mother to death but I just can't live with her! The constant yelling. The constant calling me at all hours of the night and then wondering why I'm so tired the following day. Just all of it is chipping away at my sanity and I feel so sorry for my poor husband because this is the only way he'll ever know his mother-in-law. She was better before the stroke. She really was. He knew her but he'd never spent this much time around her until now. Hell, the reason we moved in with her is because number 1 we had no place to go. Number 2 she needed someone to take care of her during the day when my dad's at work.
I am a momma's girl. I love my mom more than anything. But there are just certain things I can't deal with anymore. But that's another blog for another day...
)o( Jena
"I don't need to write it down. I'll remember tomorrow."
Well, look how well that worked out...
Onto the Insomnia...
I think I have it. Not 100% sure as I've never been diagnosed with it. I hate doctors. They tell you all kinds of things that just contradict what they previously said or they give you weird diagnoses (yes that's the plural and yes I had to look it up) that, again, just contradict the previous diagnoses. Then there's the doctor's bills, the numerous follow ups, the constant referrals. It's annoying and I don't want to go through with it unless absolutely necessary. But I digress...
I think I have insomnia. Why do I say this? Not because I can't sleep at night but because of how bad I can't sleep at night. It's not every night. No, some nights I get home and as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out like a light until the sun comes up. Most nights though I just can't sleep. I lay there for hours on end willing myself to sleep and it just won't happen. My body is ready but my mind has decided to give me a play-by-play of my entire day in the slowest possible way.
I've tried everything. Warm milk (made me want to puke and I'm lactose inotlerant so it just had me runnin' to the bathroom), sleeping pills (all different kinds, only one kinda worked but all it did was make me drowsy, it didn't shut my brain up), light exercising, laying in a dark room with my eyes closed, reading until you fall alseep with said book in hand, watching the most boring thing on the planet, etc. etc. etc. All short of having the hubbit knock me out cold every night.
Oh the worst is when I actually manage to fall asleep and then wake up every 2-3 hours for no reason what-so-ever. It's not too hot or cold in the room, hubbit didn't roll over and hit me, I didn't fall off the bed, no loud noise, no light on, nothing. Ugh!
Anyway, moving past that. My mother, Goddess bless her, is taking this first time grandmother thing to new heights. Now keep in mind that she had a stroke 3 years ago (she hasn't fully recovered from it because we found out that she had actually had the stroke 12 full hours before anyone, even her, found out about it) and due to this her emotions are always running on high.
Just the other day her and I were talking about just people. Gay, straight, black, white, just people. She said "People need to learn from their mistakes. There's no use telling someone who's so fixated on doing something not to do that thing. They need to do it and either succeed and be happy or fail and learn from it." There was more said but I can't remember most of it. Then just today she decided that it was time to get angry at my sister because "she's not raising her son properly". He's a day shy of a week old. What raising? He cries, he eats, he poops, he sleeps.
She got mad because she (my sister) wanted to go see her husband's "mom" (a woman that his dad dated for years when he was younger. Though the relationship didn't work out she stayed in his life so he considers her a mom to him). The reason she got mad? Because "He's too young to be going out! He needs to be at home for a good 2-3 weeks before you take him outside!" etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda.
Then she got mad at her because my sister wants to drive her car in 3 weeks. Now she was told by her doctor that she isn't allowed to drive for a couple of weeks until her stomach heals a bit. She's been out of the hospital for a few days now and the doctor said a couple of weeks. She wants to go back to driving a week after the couple of weeks thing. Why did my mom get mad? Because she heard the doctor say 6 weeks. How you get six from a couple I'll never know.
Why do I know she's getting mad at these things? Because I live with her. Yes, I'm 23 years old, been married for 5 years, and I still live with my mother... Not by choice I'll tell you that. But anyway, because I live with her and my sister does not she chooses to come at me with all this shit. Yelling and screaming at me for something that I didn't do. For something I have no control over. For that matter neither does she.
Why not let her learn from her mistakes? Isn't that what she just said the other day? So after going through my normal (and now second-nature) "Mom, don't yell at me I have no control over this" I brought up the fact that she said that people need to learn from their mistakes. She scoffed at me and said "Not my daughter. I made enough mistakes for all 3 of you to learn from." And that was that. She walked away.
I need out of this house. I need some sanity back in my life. I love my mother to death but I just can't live with her! The constant yelling. The constant calling me at all hours of the night and then wondering why I'm so tired the following day. Just all of it is chipping away at my sanity and I feel so sorry for my poor husband because this is the only way he'll ever know his mother-in-law. She was better before the stroke. She really was. He knew her but he'd never spent this much time around her until now. Hell, the reason we moved in with her is because number 1 we had no place to go. Number 2 she needed someone to take care of her during the day when my dad's at work.
I am a momma's girl. I love my mom more than anything. But there are just certain things I can't deal with anymore. But that's another blog for another day...
)o( Jena
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Day 1 - No family for me...
Day 1 of my "21 days to make a habit" here's hoping...
So, I didn't go to my family reunion today because I woke up way to late. I'm still hoping to make it to the one in Des Moines next year though. That's family that I've never met before :)
On a weirder note, the last few days the fingertips on my right hand have been tingling. Like I fell asleep on my hand or something. There's no pressure that I can see on them so the only thing I can deduce is the pressure is coming from inside my hand. Leading me to believe that my CTS (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) is acting up yet again.
Normally, I'll have some pain in my wrist that I can dull with an Ibuprophen or two until I wake up the following day feeling better than new. This time is different. I've never felt tingling before. So I did some research and the thing everyone keeps telling me is to continue with the 1 or 2 IB because it's an anti-inflamatory and to wear a wrist brace for about a month. That should immbolize the wrist enough for the swelling to go down. It shouldn't mess with it too bad in the sense that I won't be able to type but it will be awkward to work around. Let's just hope that works. The tingling doesn't hurt, it's just awfully annoying.
Anyway, I've started on a new book. Not sure if this will turn into a short story, a novella, or a novel. We'll see how it comes along. I'm debating posting things about the book on here just because I've always been told that it's best to keep things like that to yourself if you actually want to get published (meaning no one else can steal your ideas). But the way I see it is there is no such thing as original thought anymore. Anything you can think of has been thought of before. Anything written has been written before. The same goes for music and movies. It's all the same. We're just taking other people's ideas and twisting them to fit our own thoughts of how it should have ended. But, I digress...
To post or not to post...
)o( Jena
So, I didn't go to my family reunion today because I woke up way to late. I'm still hoping to make it to the one in Des Moines next year though. That's family that I've never met before :)
On a weirder note, the last few days the fingertips on my right hand have been tingling. Like I fell asleep on my hand or something. There's no pressure that I can see on them so the only thing I can deduce is the pressure is coming from inside my hand. Leading me to believe that my CTS (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome) is acting up yet again.
Normally, I'll have some pain in my wrist that I can dull with an Ibuprophen or two until I wake up the following day feeling better than new. This time is different. I've never felt tingling before. So I did some research and the thing everyone keeps telling me is to continue with the 1 or 2 IB because it's an anti-inflamatory and to wear a wrist brace for about a month. That should immbolize the wrist enough for the swelling to go down. It shouldn't mess with it too bad in the sense that I won't be able to type but it will be awkward to work around. Let's just hope that works. The tingling doesn't hurt, it's just awfully annoying.
Anyway, I've started on a new book. Not sure if this will turn into a short story, a novella, or a novel. We'll see how it comes along. I'm debating posting things about the book on here just because I've always been told that it's best to keep things like that to yourself if you actually want to get published (meaning no one else can steal your ideas). But the way I see it is there is no such thing as original thought anymore. Anything you can think of has been thought of before. Anything written has been written before. The same goes for music and movies. It's all the same. We're just taking other people's ideas and twisting them to fit our own thoughts of how it should have ended. But, I digress...
To post or not to post...
)o( Jena
21 Days to Form a Habit?
I know I just uploaded a new post but here I am again! yay me!
So, I heard something just now (yes, in the 30 some odd minutes from my last post) that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I'm wondering if this is true... Well I've decided to find out. For the next 21 days I'm going to attempt to make one post a day. Maybe more. I'll try not to make them like normal journal entries. You know the types:
"Dear Diary,
Nothing new today.
Love,
So and So"
"Dear Diary,
Today sucked. But I don't want to get into it.
Love,
So and So"
"Dear Diary,
He's so dreamy!
Love,
So and So"
Yeah, that stuff gets on my nerves... So I'll try to actually post something that's interesting. Whether it's about me, my husband, my family, or even my practices. I'm gonna try. Here's hoping this works. Wish me luck!
)o( Jena
So, I heard something just now (yes, in the 30 some odd minutes from my last post) that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I'm wondering if this is true... Well I've decided to find out. For the next 21 days I'm going to attempt to make one post a day. Maybe more. I'll try not to make them like normal journal entries. You know the types:
"Dear Diary,
Nothing new today.
Love,
So and So"
"Dear Diary,
Today sucked. But I don't want to get into it.
Love,
So and So"
"Dear Diary,
He's so dreamy!
Love,
So and So"
Yeah, that stuff gets on my nerves... So I'll try to actually post something that's interesting. Whether it's about me, my husband, my family, or even my practices. I'm gonna try. Here's hoping this works. Wish me luck!
)o( Jena
New Books and Family Reuions
Well, got the tracking number for those books today. They're in Kentucky and on their way. Now let's just hope the package actually has the books in it.
Today, well as it's midnight now technically yesterday, was my family reunion on my dad's side. My husband and I stayed home as he had to work the night before until 4am. Though now he's supposed to get off at 2am. Maybe we'll make the reunion tomorrow. Tomorrow's reunion is for my mom's side of the family. It's a lot bigger... like a lot. Remember I said my great grandma had 10 kids and my grandma had 8? Well yeah. That's just the kids. Now think about the grandkids, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, and just plain friends. Holy crap.
Next year is a big family reunion in Des Moines, Iowa. Can we say road trip? That will be my dad's side as well but this will be bigger. Why? because this part of the family (my grandmother's family) haven't gotten together in years. About 30 years or so there was a fight between one member of the family and another. Due to this all reunions were stopped. They know how to hold a grudge. But then hey they're Italian. They finally had a small get together last year in Arizona. I say small because it was an impromptu reunion and not many people were able to make it. My husband, my sisters, my mom and I stayed here in Louisiana while my dad, his mom, and 2 of his sisters went to meet family members that they haven't spoken to/seen in a long time.
They decided to wait until 2014 for the next reunion so that, hopefully, more people will show up. Makes sense to me. Well, that's it for now. I think anyway...
)o( Jena
Today, well as it's midnight now technically yesterday, was my family reunion on my dad's side. My husband and I stayed home as he had to work the night before until 4am. Though now he's supposed to get off at 2am. Maybe we'll make the reunion tomorrow. Tomorrow's reunion is for my mom's side of the family. It's a lot bigger... like a lot. Remember I said my great grandma had 10 kids and my grandma had 8? Well yeah. That's just the kids. Now think about the grandkids, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, and just plain friends. Holy crap.
Next year is a big family reunion in Des Moines, Iowa. Can we say road trip? That will be my dad's side as well but this will be bigger. Why? because this part of the family (my grandmother's family) haven't gotten together in years. About 30 years or so there was a fight between one member of the family and another. Due to this all reunions were stopped. They know how to hold a grudge. But then hey they're Italian. They finally had a small get together last year in Arizona. I say small because it was an impromptu reunion and not many people were able to make it. My husband, my sisters, my mom and I stayed here in Louisiana while my dad, his mom, and 2 of his sisters went to meet family members that they haven't spoken to/seen in a long time.
They decided to wait until 2014 for the next reunion so that, hopefully, more people will show up. Makes sense to me. Well, that's it for now. I think anyway...
)o( Jena
Thursday, August 29, 2013
He's going home and I got new books :D
Woke up this morning sick as a dog. The only thing I could think of was "great now I'm losing baby time". But he'll be heading home tomorrow with his mommy and daddy so that makes me happy.
On another good note I'm on a webstie called Listia. It's essentially ebay without the money. You use credits to bid on items and most of the time you can get those items shipped to you for free. This afternoon I won an auction for a lot of 6 horror books. Older ones. In this set is a book called Cursed be the Child by Mort Castle. One of my favorites. I used to have it but due to a leak from my mother-in-law's hot water heater it's now too damaged to read.
Now all I have to do is wait and see if this person really will ship 6 paperback books for free. All's going well here. Now to get over this cold...
)o( Jena
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Officially an Auntie
So, I've been an "aunt" before. My "sister" has a baby boy and is pregnant with her second. My husband's friend has 4 girls and he considers them his "nieces" making them mine by default. But now it's official. My sister gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy at 12:34PM today. 6lb. 15oz. 20 in. long.
Seeing my father's face as he held his first grandson was just wonderful. 3 years before I was born he and my mother had a baby boy Robert. He passed away 2 days later due to many different organ failures. Then they had me (1990), my kid sister (1991), and my baby sister (1994). He's the last. The only boy in a family of 5 children. He has no namesake. I knew that this bothered him. But I think today, upon seeing his first (of hopefully many) grandchildren, he's moved past that. Hoping to just help raise this and any future grandchildren as best he can.
All this has given me an idea for a story. Not sure how well it will work out but I'll put pen to paper and see what comes out. Wish me luck!
)o( Jena
Seeing my father's face as he held his first grandson was just wonderful. 3 years before I was born he and my mother had a baby boy Robert. He passed away 2 days later due to many different organ failures. Then they had me (1990), my kid sister (1991), and my baby sister (1994). He's the last. The only boy in a family of 5 children. He has no namesake. I knew that this bothered him. But I think today, upon seeing his first (of hopefully many) grandchildren, he's moved past that. Hoping to just help raise this and any future grandchildren as best he can.
All this has given me an idea for a story. Not sure how well it will work out but I'll put pen to paper and see what comes out. Wish me luck!
)o( Jena
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