Day 7 - I'm here! I exist! Listen to me!

So, today started out slow. But it soon blew up around me. My mom is very opinionated. She also has a tendency to not listen to anyone else and assume that everyone is yelling at her (when they don't agree with her of course). We were making a small grocery list. I say small because we did the bulk of our shopping just this past Thursday. We just forgot a few things.

We're going over the list that we've made and the few things that we still need to get when she brought up getting some more dish tablets for the dish washer. Now, hubby had already bought (with his own money) some dish washing gel the day before (we've been having a problem with these new tablets that my dad picked up getting stuck to the "door" of the dish washer and only washing half of the dishes at one time). So I told her this. She said "oh no". Apparently, she had forgotten to mention that she believes that the tablets are getting stuck because we forgot the run the dishwasher empty the last couple of weeks to clean it. We try to do it once a week but we've forgotten. We're human we all forget things.

Once she told me this, I said "Oh ok. Tonight I'll run it empty and then I'll put some dishes in it with a tablet and check it out. But if it doesn't work what do you want me to do?" She immediately assumed I was yelling at her. How? I don't know. So she starts saying "Don't yell at me. All I said was that--" and she stopped. Most likely because she could see the look of WTF on my face. When she stopped I said, calmly, "I wasn't yelling all I said was--" And she cut me off by yelling and screaming that I never listen to her and that I think I know everything and that she was just trying to tell me what she thought.

Now, I hate yelling at my mom. It makes her cry which makes me cry. But at this point I lost it. I screamed back stating how I always listen to her. If anyone doesn't listen in this house it's her. Whenever someone tries to tell her something she immediately interrupts with something she wants to say. But heaven forbid we ever do that to her! All this yelling causes both my dad and my husband to run into the room. Dad's trying to get us both to stop yelling but it's just too far gone now. We're both screaming and red in the face and crying. We finally stop because well Dad has a good yelling voice and we finally heard him.

He asks what's going on and I try to calmly explain. In the middle of my explanation she starts yelling again. Stating that there I go again yelling at her. At this point I was beyond pissed. But I soon felt vindicated when my dad stated that I hadn't even raised my voice in my explanation. Then she starts yelling again. Which gets me going again. My dad, I guess, had enough of it. He told us to stay in the room (mainly me as I was trying to walk away to calm down) and iron this out as peacefully as possible. He then shut the door and walked away.

We spent the first 20 minutes in silence. Well, not really. She was silent. I was hyperventilating. When I yell I breathe hard. When I cry I breathe hard. Normally, if I'm allowed to get away from the situation, I can calm my breathing down. But as I was forced to stay there I was breathing too hard. When I finally managed to get my breathing in check I looked at my mom. Who didn't look so much pissed as concerned at this point. I stated that I was ok and we stood (well I stood, she sat) for another 10 minutes in silence. She finally starts talking, calmly for the first time since this ordeal started. I tried to talk as well but immediately got shut down. Long story short, as much of what was said in this hour between us was personal, she came away feeling better because we'd talked. I just felt pissed again. Why? Because in that hour she talked and I listened. Did I get a chance? No.

Now I know that I'm young, but I have my own opinions. And just like anyone else, I get pissed when I'm not allowed to voice those opinions when someone else already has. But anyway...

My husband and I left to do the little bit of shopping that needed to be done. During this trip we argued. Why? Because now he was doing what my mother had just done not even 20 minutes before. He wasn't letting me talk. He asked me what we had talked about and, as I tried, he cut me off. Not so much with a word as a look. Hubby has these looks that he'll get when he really wants to say something. They're easy to ignore if you're one of those people who doesn't look at someone when you're talking to them. I'm not that kind of person. I gauge reactions as I'm talking. I use this on my family. Mainly due to the fact that they all share the same opinions (those that differ from mine). I hate arguments. I don't like confrontation. So, I do what I can to avoid it.

Then he decided to spring on me that he wants me to make my banana pudding. Now I don't mind making my banana pudding or anything else for that matter because my hubby likes it. But I need ample amount of time to make these things. My banana pudding takes about an hour to get ready. On top of that it needs to sit in the fridge for 4 hours before you can serve it (though it can sit longer if you're making it for a get-together the following day). When he sprung that on me it was 1:30 in the morning. I'm tired. I'm emotionally drained and I can feel it taking a toll on my body already. I don't have the energy to make a banana pudding. Not if I plan on getting enough sleep before tomorrow.

Anyway more "fighting" ensued. I say "fighting" because we were in the kitchen within earshot of my dad and I hate fighting in front of my family. The fight is between me and my husband and should stay that way. Is it really too much to ask for someone to listen to me? Is it really too much to actually want to get some things out in the open? Is it really too much to ask that not all of my arguments with my husband end up with him trying to make me laugh just to push the argument off for another day?

All-in-all a bad and tiring day. The pudding's in the fridge, the kitchen is clean, and here I am typing up yet another late blog. I need to sleep...

)o( Jena