Day 16 - PBP - Solitary Longing...

I am a Solitary Eclectic Wiccan. It took me many years to actually put a name to what I was. I knew that I wanted to follow a Pagan path because they spoke to me. They felt right. For two years I called myself Pagan. Why? Because I didn't feel as though I knew enough to call myself one specific thing. Plus I was 17 years old and I figured that I had plenty of time to find myself. Just 2 short years later, I was sitting down reading one of the few books that I have on Pagan religions and I came across the Wiccan Rede. Amazing that I hadn't actually seen it until then seeing as now it's all over the place and it's hard to search for Pagan or Wicca or even Witch without some form of the Rede popping up. The Rede made sense to me. Ok maybe not all of it at the time but the last part hit home. "An ye harm none, Do what thou will." There are many different ways to say this last line of the Rede but this is the first one that I read so it's the one I'll go with.

The Rede felt right to me. But I was confused. What did the last line really mean? What did "harm none" mean? Physical harm? Emotional? I didn't know. So I went on a "quest" of sorts. For 6 straight months I searched and searched. Reading others' opinions on how the final line of the Rede translated for them. I was getting frustrated because everyone had such differing views on what the Rede meant to them. Why could no one just tell me what it meant and be done with it? I gave up. I shut my computer down and gave up. I laid in bed that night fuming over what had happened. Over how yet another religion had left me feeling defeated and let down. When my mind finally shut up just long enough for me to start to drift I felt it. No, I heard it. A voice. It told me to make up my own mind. To forge my own path. To be my own person. I jolted out of bed and I can still remember Hubby looking at me like I was Linda Blair in full on possession mode.

I told him of my revelation. Of my epiphany. To be who I am and no more, no less. He seemed proud of me if I recall. He held me and said he was happy for me. And that was that. That is where I began to forge my own way in life. Overtime, I stopped asking myself "Am I doing this right?" and started focusing on if it felt right to me. I've been mostly solitary in my practice. Joining a few sites here and there for guidance from time to time but never letting them tell me what to believe or how to follow my path. Suggestions are what I was after and suggestions I got. I did have a few sites that refused to let me remain Solitary. Refused to let me believe whatever I wanted to. I promptly left and searched for more. Over the years I finally gave my path a name. Solitary Eclectic Wiccan. When I say it, when I think it, even now when I type it, it's right. It's me. It probably won't be me in the years to come but it's me right now and I'm happy with it. Now onto the Blog Prompt:

"If you are a Solitary, do you ever long for a mentor, coven or friend to learn with, learn from, or practice with? If so, what keeps you from seeking to join with others?"

I can't say that I've never longed for a mentor, coven or friend to follow this path with me. It's happened a lot over the years. It's something that, in my opinion, happens to most if not all Solitary Practitioners. It's even one of my Dreams & Aspirations to one day join a Coven. But right now, it's not right. I'm not ready. In the words of Buffy. I'm cookie dough. I'm not ready to be a cookie on the cooling rack of a Coven. Alike but different at the same time. I'm just not .... me enough yet.

That's what keeps me from seeking a true Coven right now. I may find some forums online and post a bit and get ideas and learn from others but until the time is right I will not be joining a Coven. 

What are your views on being a Solitary Practitioner vs. being part of a Coven? Which do you prefer?

)o( Jena